Here is today's funny. And its from Star Wars!

Boba Fett

Blog Question Of The Day:

Should I buy a ShamWow?

Blog Quote Of The Day:

To the last, I will grapple with thee... from Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!

This is pretty funny!

XBox 360




I hope the link holds for awhile.

What time is it folks?

IT'S TIME FOR OUR YEARLY GAME!!!





That's right my friends, its time to play, Guess How Much Is In The Tip Jar!

Same rules apply as always. Everyone guesses, no one finds out how much is inside without a guess. To be fair, if you guess, and its wrong, don't tell anyone what your number is. It'll ruin it for others.

As usual, the prize is up for grabs as well. If you can guess the exact amount, within $1, then the pot is yours.

Happy guessing!!

All I hope for the future version of Windows, tentatively named 'Windows 7' is that it have the following installation option.

When you first set up the OS, and you're creating user accounts, they need to include the following dialog box:

"Would you like the /Moron/ version of this operating system or the /Expert/ installation?"

Each of /Moron/ and /Expert/ would be buttons on the dialog box.

Its very important that they set up the installation of the new Windows 7 operating system in this fashion so that people like me, DON'T HAVE TO SEE ALL THESE BLOODY CONFIRMATION BOXES!!!!!!

Why are we being forced to watch this game? Who thought this would make for an important feature game on Sunday afternoon? And furthermore, who is the jackaloupe at CTV that, when the game became the world's worst snooze-fest, persisted in showing this as the feature game?

Let's review.

Arizona is from a warm weather climate. They like to play a fast, pass-oriented offence. They have already clinched a playoff spot and have little to no motivation for this game.

In the other corner we have the New England Patriots. To my great disgust, they are the premiere organization in the NFL over the last 5-8 years. They lost their quarterback but have still managed to stay in the playoff hunt. They are not in a comfortable playoff position and are playing for their lives.

The game is from New England. Its cold and happens to be snowing today. The Patriots are all but unbeatable at home in December. They need this win and the warm weather Cardinals don't really care that much.

Who in the HELL couldn't see a blowout coming!?!

I would like to go on the record about something:

I will be buying Guitar Hero:Metallica when it becomes available.

That is all.

Do you know what I would really like to get for Christmas, that wouldn't even be that expensive?

The movie 'The Hunt For Red October' on DVD.

Blog Word Of The Day:

asswad

I think there should be a tattoo (and/or piercing) board to which you have to submit your body modification choice. There are some people out there that are making some horrendous choices.

I went to Princess Auto the other day. I'm not going to going into the whole laundry list of body modification mistakes this girl was making. She was probably around 20-22 years old, so it was a pretty long list for someone that young. The most egregious choice however was an Enormous tattoo of the Pilsner rabbit on her left forearm.

One should never, EVER proclaim their beer choice with a tattoo. That is ESPECIALLY true if you believe in Pilsner.

Pilsner is moose piss.

This is the funniest asshole you will ever see:

AssHole

Do you know what pisses me off? Costco idiots.

These arrogant bastards make the left turn into Costco, and there is CLEARLY no room in the roadway into the parking lot for them. Clearly no room. This is evident to the point that, the person ahead of them has their rear axle still in the street. So what does said Costco idiot do? Why he pulls his Ford F-250 in behind the mini-van ahead.

YOU'RE BLOCKING THE ROAD!!!

Heaven god forbid this jack-a-tard doesn't get to Costco to buy a pallet of mayonnaise for $378.56 (a 0.59/lb bargain). Yes I should have to come to a grinding halt on a major Saskatoon roadway so Captain Nigglenuts can get in line to go to the most ANNOYING god damn store on the planet.

I gotta be honest about something.

In this new video - "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"

Beyonce looks a whole hell of a lot like a transsexual

Random acts of stupidity that I witnessed tonight:

London Drugs has a product in their flyer, and a display model on the shelf, but no versions of it in their inventory. WTF!?!

Some jackass at Canadian Tire is so arrogant that he parks in front of the damn shopping carts, with the vehicle idling, while he shops. I went in, bought my stuff, gawked around at other stuff, came out and the moron was will running in the parking lot. Good for him that gas is half the price it was this summer.

I go to Extra Food for groceries and the cashier girl has adopted the style of urban males and her pants are down around her mid thighs. Which might be okay, in some instances, but this girl wasn't pulling it off. If her shirt hadn't been 26 miles long, I would have no only seen her ass /crack/ but the whole ass, and probably her va-ja-ja. It wasn't something I wanted to see.

I am becoming deeply concerned with my growing obsession with Taylor Swift.

The problem with the movie 'The Golden Child' is they rushed the ending. You can't help but notice how shoddily they edited the last 15 minutes of the movie.

Let's cut through the crapola here. Does anyone really buy this sob story that Taylor Swift has boy trouble? For Christ sake she's gorgeous, sweet and self aware. What non-gay man could resist that?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Who all thinks we should start referring to Dion Phaneuf as 'Number Two'?

I went to a store I'd never been to before last night. I get the flyers in my mail and usually I throw them out. But there was something on the front page of the last one that caught my eye so I kept it. I pondered the purchase for a few days before going to the place.

The store was: Bianca Amor's Liquidation Supercentre.

Oh my GAWD was that a freak show. It was dark, so I didn't notice it driving up, but when you get to the entrance, its hard to not notice the plywood over some of the windows. Plywood. That was the first indication but you step through the door and its like immediate culture shock.

I thought maybe I'd stepped through a dimensional portal, and somehow ended up on the streets of Calcutta. The clutter than infested the place was just like a hundred movies you've seen about the congestion in India. There was just stuff . . . everywhere.

And not neatly, like you'd expect from a store. There was a box here, a box there. What made it worse is that this was obviously someone's idea of neat and orderly but it was just so . . . wrong on a variety of levels. I keep talking in similes but I felt like I'd wandered into a small town flea market. 37 year old merchandise lined up haphazardly into a vague resemblance of order, marked down drastically to make you think you were getting a bargain.

The lone cashier had a name tag made up with a Jiffy marker.

The /supervisor/ slouched back in a broken office chair, yawning loudly and frankly didn't seem to care if the store was open or closed.

The aisles were labelled with poster board and more Jiffy marker lettering.

The cash-out area was more plywood across saw horses.

You couldn't find a god damn thing in this unholy mess. I was desperate to leave but still wanted my $4 boxing gloves. Which, I suppose, is what draws anyone to this type of ungodly hell hole. Yes, its a living nightmare but you can get something cheap.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I don't know how you could work there. Which probably explains why I sign on the entrance offered $15 an hour to start. You'd go mad if you stayed any length of time.

I went to the Nine Inch Nails concert on Monday night. A lot could be said about how freakin' awesome that was. The show was great. The music was amazing but the lighting was beyond words. They did stuff with lights and screens that I couldn't believe. They rendered this image of a swamp at dusk, with water rippling; it was amazing.

I say all of that but unfortunately the enduring image in my head is from the opening act. Which would be unusual, because who remembers the opening band? Its been said before that I don't like to swear (too much) on my blog but,

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?!

First of all, I think 'The Bug' was actually just the DJ. At least that's the assumption that I've made. The skid mark was constantly sampling from his collection of 'world's most annoying sounds'. You wouldn't think there would be that many awful sounds, or that someone would take the time to compile them all in one place. Nevertheless, The Bug had the full collection, and I'm pretty sure he played them all for us. Twice. At full volume. With over-the-top amounts of bass. For Christ sake, the damn curtains were waving!

And can someone explain to me who the fuck that person singing was? I think The Bug was the DJ but was the person doing the singing just some drunk bastard that stumbled onto the stage? Christ was that annoying! I made a joke about The Bug being reggae rap; who knew I'd be so damn close! I was not in the mood for rastafarian rapping; leastways some that made no fucking sense.

I'm not usually one that campaigns for decency. I'm usually a pretty offensive person myself. But I can honestly say that I was hoping the police would step in, and put a stop to The Bug's performance, when that Jamaican poser started screaming about 'hardcore'. The only saving grace was that it was dark as ass in there during The Bug's show. I think I'd have gone dead inside if I could have made out what she was doing on stage, while she screamed at the top of her lungs about wanting it 'hardcore'.

I can sum up tonight's trip to the grocery store in one sentence:

Where in the HELL are the god damn bacon bits!?!

It never ceases to amaze me how utterly selfish people are.

I'm standing around with nothing to do at the Blades game tonight. It was early; there was no one interested in beer yet. This women is standing by concession stand, eating something that I could not identify. I'm guessing a sandwich of some kind. A tomato falls out of it.

Its not like she didn't notice. She looked down at it on the ground. But she looked down, seemed to make the decision that it was not her problem, and walked away.

Come on! I'm not saying you have to eat the damn thing but at least pick it up. People drop fries and popcorn all the time. I'll let that slide, although its still a bit on the rude side. But a whole freakin' slice of tomato? That's gross.

FYI . . .

Being 'backstage' at a concert sounds exciting until its a Kenny Rogers concert at which you find yourself backstage.

Not a lot goes on backstage at a Kenny Rogers concert. If it had been a little less dim, I'd have probably seen the tumbleweeds.

Things That Piss Me Off:

What the hell is wrong with people that come to the HOCKEY rink and complain about the selection of alcohol? Its the damn hockey arena! We're not gonna have a 96 variety selection of your supposed 'top-shelf' alcohol to choose from. So what if the damn vodka is Alberta Spring? To your unsophisticated palate, vodka is vodka.

Idiots.

Its not a perfect match but bear with me as you make your evaluation. If you study him doesn't Michael Phelps, the guy that won 8 medals at the recent Beijing Olympics, look a little like Screech from Saved By The Bell?

Blog Question Of The Day:

If you had written code for Windows Vista, would you put that on your resume?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Is there anywhere in, or around, Saskatoon where you can take a good picture of the city at night?

If someone could set me up with Nicole Biggins from the Morning Mash-Up, I would appreciate it.

Thank you.

I am logging on to take this opportunity to tell everyone that it is categorically impossible to wear a beret, and look good.

Thank you, and good night.

Blog Question Of The Day:

Does a female rock band have groupies?

And if so, are they still female?

Blog Question Of The Day:

How long is the average Facebook session?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Do they shoot porn movies on the weekend?

Am I weird? I know she's good looking but Megan Fox doesn't do it for me. I can't figure out what all the fuss is about.

Blog Question Of The Day:

What is the stupidest idea I've ever had?

Here's what I don't get.

Its not like the instructions are that hard to follow. When the airline representative comes on the mic to announce pre-boarding, they are very explicit about to whom this applies.

- People with children
- Children flying alone
- anyone that needs extra time getting on board the plane.

Why is this so hard for people to understand? About every fourth or fifth flight you'll see this phenomenon. They announce 'pre-boarding' and all of sudden everyone jumps up and runs to get in line to get on the plane. Its pre-boarding! You idiots are just impatient, not infirm. Meanwhile there's people with toddlers and old people that can barely hobble getting trampled by impatient, rude assholes that just want to get on the plane and start reading their Globe and Mail.

Idiots!

Blog Question Of The Day:

Could Mike Tyson, in his prime, have won at UFC?

I feel like I should be using the word 'pedantic' more often.

It is really, really fun to watch girls play Boxing on the Nintendo Wii.

. . .

It probably doesn't hurt that they were a little drunk too.

Is there anything more redneck that smoking while driving . . . with a 5-year-old in the passenger seat of the car?

This will never get boring.

Go on, try it!

Blog Question Of The Day:

Would I enjoy wearing the new AXE body spray?

I personally identify with David Wooderson

The Same Age

I have isolated a problem with the consumption of iced tea. If you are really thirsty, it becomes WAY to easy to just chug the entire bottle in the span of about 36 seconds.

If you drink something carbonated, the burn of the bubbles keeps you from draining the bottle in Olympic record time.

Blog Question Of The Day:

How does one decide when they need to update their Facebook status to 'in a relationship'?

How does a girl decide when a guy she sees is ugly?

The Daily Show with John Stewart needs to be required viewing for all American voters.

For the love of God can someone PLEASE explain to me why they let Rod Black do anything serious!?!

Is someone watching these re-runs of Frasier?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Should I eat more apples?

Finally, what I wanted my entertainment center to look like:

Can someone please explain to me why they've been allowed to make 'Saw' movies all the way up to number FIVE!?!?!?!

I have seen the future of my obsession and it is Blanka Vlašić.

Blanka Vlašić

Does anyone want to trade me a regular, Canadian 20 dollar bill for this American one I don't want?

MEMO

TO: Jim Van Horne and broadcast partner
FROM: TELK

Please do not repeat, over and over until its nauseating to hear, that the pitcher's name is:

Lauren Bay Regula
Lauren Bay

Its infuriating to the nth degree to hear this so many times when its utterly pointless. Unless her Mom calls her Lauren-Bay, I seriously doubt we need to.

Blog Observation Of The Day:

How embarassing would it be to compete for one of the fringe nations at the Olympics, somehow pull off winning a gold medal, only to stand on the podium and have you national anthem be a disco song?

Blog Olympics Question Of The Day:

How does someone find the strength to sprint to the finish line after running 26 miles!?!

Blog Question Of The Day:

When you become a gymnast, and first take up the sport, how do you learn how to do the difficult vaults without piling into something and killing yourself?

What's with all the spam on MSN lately? I'm just sitting here minding my own business, and suddenly girls with obviously fake Hotmail addresses (maybe obviously fake girls?) are messaging me, offering to send me pics, chat with me, or (maybe) do something naughty on a webcam.

First of all, why would this approach to marketing work? Is it random? Are there 12 year old girls getting the same messages as me? If so, how many of them want to see naked pics of Millicent?

Second of all, STOP MESSAGING ME!!! I know how to find pictures of girls on the internet. I don't need you to send me any. Besides, the pictures you'd be sending aren't of the person on the other side of the chat window. Everyone lies on the internet. I know the hot, redhead coming down the runway isn't the person on the other side of the text. I'm pretty sure I'm chatting with an over-weight, bad complexion, balding 36-year old man from the Ukraine, earning 14 rubles a day, trying to convince stupid, horny men North American men to give them their credit card number.

Watch this video. The pay-off is hilarious!

The Babysitter

Once again I have been betrayed by Windows Vista:

"You cannot use Remote Desktop Connection to connect to computers running Windows Vista Starter, Windows Vista Home Basic, Windows Vista Home Basic N, or Windows Vista Home Premium. You can, however, connect from those editions of Windows Vista to computers running other versions of Windows."

What It Means To Be An Engineer

I need the answer to a question. I need the answer because I studied this all night and I couldn't figure it out.

What the hell is wrong with some people that they think its perfectly okay to come up to the side of the bar, and demand that they get service? When did that turn into a good idea?

We had a more 'temporary' bar location tonight. As such, it wasn't as well delineated and barricaded like our normal station is. Hence, people seemed to think this gave them free reign to just wander up and order from wherever they pleased. I looked up at one point and this stupid bitch was basically behind the bar, standing right beside the girl she was demanding a drink from. If I wasn't so far behind on pouring Kokanee, I might have gone over and taken a swipe at this witless cow.

One more example of the decline of modern civilization:

Blog Question Of The Day:

If you were guaranteed that you would be taken care of financially, for the rest of your life, would you be willing to have one gay experience?

So what is the deal with having your keys on a string?

Everywhere I go lately, everyone has their keys on a string. Or a lanyard, or whatever the hell you want to call the concept which, when boiled right down to its essence, is a string.

I don't get this at all. Why is this suddenly a freakin' status symbol? You drive down the street and you see a group of three or four kids, invariably in pants that don't fit, and a hat on sideways. I could do a whole rant on how god damn stupid these idiots look but that's for another day. This isn't downtown Detroit, and you aren't a hoodlum. You're stupid ass-hat in upper-middle class Saskatoon. Act your proper station in life.

Back to my point.

You see this group of three or four idiots walking down the street, and almost without variation, there's a damn string hanging out of their pocket. One of these miscreants will be fumbling with theirs and you realize its their keys. They've all go the string from their keys hanging out of their pocket!

Please, someone, explain to me why this is a good idea. Why is it that you have the keys that secure all of your valuable property on a god damn string hanging out of your pocket such that anyone that wanted to, really, could grab it from your pocket and you'd never catch them. You'd never catch them because you're damn pants are hanging down to your bloody knees and you can't get a proper running gait going.

And who else is sick and tired of hearing about Brent Hayden!?!

I hate the voice of the guy who is doing the radio ads for Labatt's where they are promoting 18 can packs of Labatt Lite and Labatt Blue.

Who's with me?

Is the hole in the middle of a donut there because they tried to cut out all the calories?

Blog Poll Of The Day:

Should I build a sauna in my basement?

"Can I have two double rye's, and a Pil?"

"No. We can't serve doubles, and you're only allowed two drinks per person. Plus we don't have Pil."

"Why can't I have a double?"

"You just can't. Its in the liquor license."

"That's stupid."

"Sorry. I don't make the rules."

"Okay, then give me two singles, with very little pop."

"I have to fill the glass up. It has to be a mixed drink."

"That's stupid."

"Sorry."

"Why does it have to be a mixed drink?"

"Like I said, its in the liquor license."

"That's stupid. So I really can't have a double?"

-- pause --

"NO!!! You can't have a fucking double!!! I've said that like six fucking times already! Who the fuck do you think you are anyway!?! Its a god damn rule! I'm not personally singling you out for persecution, you idiot! The last guy couldn't have a god damn double rye, and the next person to ask ain't gonna get one either. And no, it doesn't help if you ask for a double vodka, or a double rum either. No doubles!!! That's the god damn rule! Now why do I gotta keep standing here as your feeble fucking brain looks for the bloody loophole that isn't fucking there!?! What are you? Fucking retarded!?!"

And one more for the record . . .

Black nail polish does not look good.

At all.

Ever.

From any sort of perspective, it looks stupid and ridiculous. If you're thinking about doing this, just don't. Its a bad idea.

The following is a real advertisement on Sirius satellite radio:

"AshleyMadison.com is an interactive web site for men and women already in committed relationships who are looking for something more. AshleyMadison.com exists because needs often get neglected and relationships change over time. And because real people have real feelings. Relationships of different kinds are started at AshleyMadison. Some want to talk; some want to do more. So if you are looking for something new, visit AshleyMadison.com."

AshleyMadison = www.imahugedouche.com

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why are oven instructions always in multiples of 25 degrees?

Is it just me or does Manny Ramirez look like the Predator alien when he's wearing a batting helmet?

I just watched the Nancy Drew movie. It was entertaining enough, without being a sensational experience. I was impressed that it was not over-the-top kid oriented.

I have two comments that come from the movie:

Knee high socks and a short skirt is a very sexy look.

Emma Roberts is hard to buy as a 16+ year old girl. She very cute, but Emma still looks like she's about 12.

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why do some girls feel compelled to wear stupid hats?

Blog Question Of The Day:

If you are a pair of beautiful young girls, dressed and ready to go to the club on a Friday night, why are you in Home Depot buying 1" clear vinyl tubing?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Who the F&%K cheats on Christie Brinkley!?!

McLovin is my hero.

I want to be McLovin.

"Watch the lumbering sloth of the napasaurus, as it tends to the bar at the ungainly slow Cirque Du Soleil show . . ."

I'm pretty sure Stewie Griffin is going to grow up to be a homosexual.

With the net as big as it is, it really should be inexcusable for a soccer goalie to get beat through the 5 hole.

I just read a forum post from someone who was apologizing for their website being down (paid membership site). Apparently some data center in Houston had something go wrong and a huge portion of their equipment went dead. There was a fire, or an explosion, or something happened. I remember reading about it in the news on the web a couple of days ago but I don't remember the details.

Anyway, someone responded to this post and said, thanks for the heads up. Don't worry about it and luckily no one was hurt.

Is it just me or is that another one of these empty platitudes that don't mean anything? Of course is lucky, and a relief, that no one was hurt. However, on a personal level, does the fact that no one was hurt really mean anything to us? To the family and friends of someone that works at that data center, the fact that no one was hurt means something significant. The person they know could have been hurt, but wasn't. But to me, Joe Webuser, living thousands of miles away, do I really care that no one was hurt?

Obviously, as a moral human being, I never wish harm to come to another person. But for me to say, luckily no one was hurt, shouldn't it actually have a meaning for me? Else, aren't I just mouthing empty words with no sentiment behind it? If no one is hurt, then I can't connect with the tragedy on any kind of level. Its not that much different than a demolition that goes off safely. Building is damaged, life goes on. However, if someone IS hurt, then I can connect with the occurence on a human level because another person has been injured or killed, and while I don't know the victim personally, I can personalize it by thinking, what if that happened to my friend?

Luckily no one was hurt gets said a lot it seems. But I suspect that its just words without sentiment. Wouldn't a response on a forum feel more genuine if someone actually had been injured?

I pull up to the drive-thru speaker at KFC/Taco Bell in Winnipeg tonight. I'm hot, tired and hungry like balls. All I want is something hot to eat, and something ice cold to drink, before I pass out like a stone on a crummy hotel bed.

Before I can think of anything pithy to say into the faceless automoton that is a drive-thru speaker, a perky young girl's voice chirps out at me.

'If you are here for chicken from KFC' (ever so slight pause for dramatic effect) 'we are out of chicken'

I was floored. Quite honestly floored. I came to a KFC/Taco Bell and the first thing they tell me is, they are out of chicken. Out of chicken!?! How does a chicken joint run out of chicken? You'd think the very first thing you do at the start of the KFC day is, ask yourself, do I have 16 tons of chicken on hand. I mean, its not like you can look at the menu board and say, I really don't think anyone will order chicken today.

So what's the deal with the way people set to hit in slo-pitch? You'd think we were 7 million dollar a year outfielders for the Chicago Cubs. I'm sitting on the bench and I'm watching our opponents toe into the batter's box like Barry Bonds on a steroid bender.

Exactly what do these people think they are accomplishing when they grind into the dirt like that? Its the first inning and the diamond is groomed, and nice looking. Unlike what has become our usual field, this one we were on tonight looks unspoiled and flat. Then Joe Slo-Pitch digs into the batter's box and suddenly the shale is flying like we're on a mine site. I watch in horror as this (as it turns out) weak hitter, digs into the batter's box like he's strip mining for coal. I hope he found some because that tepid grounder he hit to third base isn't gonna win him any guaranteed contracts with the Cardinals.

By the time I get to hit in the third inning, the hole on the right side of the home plate is yawning open like a crater after a meteor strike. It dismays me that in three short innings, we've taken a well groomed batter's box, and turned into an ecological disaster typically reserved for strip mines of the 1950's. I go up to bat and the strike zone is the ground to my shoulders, because of the hole my knees are flush with the plate.

Why can't we all just go up there, step into the box, and take a cut at the ball? No one is going to the major's from the D League of Saskatoon slo-pitch.

I forgot to mention something about Arby's.

Of the staff who's feet I could see, 2/3 of them had on flip-flops.

I strongly recommend the new Pecan Chicken Salad Sandwich from Arby's. Its a little pricey at $5.49. But it was fresh, on real bread, with lots of flavor, including some distinct one's that I couldn't immediately place. Actually, the chicken in the sandwich was at best 50% of the bulk, and maybe less as there was crunchy vegetables and what I have to assume were the pecans. It bought it as an experiment and I found myself feeling delightfully impressed.

What was not impressive was the Arby's store from which I bought the sandwich. If you can at all help it, do NOT frequent the Arby's on Circle Drive. It was horrible. I don't want to go into a long narrative on why I was unimpressed so here are some bullet points about what went wrong:

- they had one cashier, she didn't seem to know what she was doing, and of the three orders I witnessed, she got them all wrong
- there was 5 employees, all girls, and none of them seemed capable of getting along with on another
- the manager was on the drive-thru window, and she appeared to be about 5 seconds away from apoplectic rage that would cause her to quit completely. I thought she might strike the cashier when she couldn't process my chicken salad sandwich properly
- the cashier told the man ahead of me that sour cream was extra but the person who brought it gave it to him for free. Not such a bad thing but you gotta hate the inconsistency
- I'm not sure they successfully processed a drive-thru order while I was in the store for 20 minutes. When the manager went to deliver a late drive-thru order, she dumped all the drinks on the floor trying to negotiate the door. When 5 groups in line she just left the mess on the floor and kept on going.

After watching tonight's hockey game I have come to realize that Sidney Crosby is a bit of a douche.

Remember how much we ALL hated that Scotiabank commercial with the nook? It started out in the same park as that Scotiabank commercial and now the repetition of it has made the DAMN Kia commercial with Flashdance theme exactly the same.

Get that dreck off my TV during playoffs!!!

As of today, I am a brachiosaurus.

Blog Song Of The Day:

Rehab - Sittin' At A Bar

For the life of me I do not get it.

Can someone, please, explain to me, why I would want to give even two squirts of piss for American goddamn Idol!?!

Has anyone else ever noticed that those awareness ribbons (red for AIDS, pink for breast cancer, etc) look an awful lot like the Jesus fish symbol turned sideways?

What would possess you to think that putting neon license plate illumination on a 1990's era Mercury Villager would be a good idea!?!

Would I want a rhinoceros as a pet?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Would you ever consider going parachuting?

I would just like to take this opportunity to AGAIN point out how much of a big stick in the ass Windows Vista is.

My resolve to switch to a Mac grows even further.

Ladies:

You can NOT get tattoos on your breasts. I really can't stress this enough. It always looks trashy.

I gotta lay off the WEED!!!

For the record . . .

Radio stations that put their advertising station identifier, into the middle of a song, are a bunch of ASSHOLES!!!

The cost of everything just keeps going up. The escalation never seems to end. However, I think I've found a way for the cost of something to actually go down. It came to me as I drove to work this morning. We could bring the cost of vehicles down if we just removed the signal lights. You wouldn't need the lights themselves, the controls for them on the steering wheel, or any of the wiring that goe along with making them operation.

We might as well dispense with signal lights. No one is using them anyway.

Commanda is clearly the best Arnold Schwarzenegger movie of all time.

Blog Question Of The Day:

Are there any girls that want to play on my soccer team? We're starting the outdoor season (even though we play indoors - weird) and apparently we could use a few more girls on the roster.

Hello world!

I'd like to introduce you to someone.

This little guy that you see here in my blog is my new nephew. His name is Grayson Gunnar Bigoraj. That's an awful lot of name for such a small little person but I suspect that he'll grow into it. His feet are already on their way there. Consensus is that Grayson's feet are already bigger than his mom's.

Grayson is not a name that you hear very often. And for that I am glad. A little guy like Grayson needs a way to stand out from the crowd. But don't pick on him too much when his dad explains how he got the name. Some people are named for presidents, while others are named for quarterbacks or cowboys. Grayson was named for a cat, and I'm alright with that.

For those of you that are into statistics, I can tell you the little guy was born at 7 pounds and 4 ounces. That doesn't explain a whole lot to me, because I don't know what a baby is supposed to weigh when its born. I've heard more than Grayson and I've heard less, so I'm going to assume that he's right in the middle.

I've been told he was born at 22 inches long. What I don't understand is why a baby is measured in length, while all the rest of us get measured in height. Perhaps someday one of you can explain to me the rules on measuring people. At what point do you stop being long and start being tall?

I'm kind of late in announcing the little guy's arrival. Grayson was born at 4:24 AM on Tuesday April 8th, 2008. I wanted to post a picture of the guy, to go along with his announcement, but neither the baby, nor his mom, came home until Friday. When you throw in some time for getting the pictures off the camera, we find ourselves on Sunday night.

Grayson and I met for the first time on Saturday. I suspect that he won't remember the encounter. But I am sure that there will be able time for us to get to know each other. As I'm sure there will be a chance for all of you to meet him.

Hey world, say hello to Grayson!!

I went to the mall today. As I'm walking across the parking lot, I saw a Carolla CE. Something about that caught my attention. I really don't know why.

Carolla CE

I stopped thinking about it and went about my business. Then I walked through a completely different part of the parking lot and saw another Carolla CE.

If you run it all together, like it is on the back of the car, it looks like CAROLLACE. Put a break in that and doesn't it sound like a stripper name?

Carol Lace

Do you know what really grinds my gears?

If you listen to satellite radio at all, you've no doubt hear the following introduction:

"Are you drowning in more than $10,000 in credit card debt!?!"

The commercial goes on to blab about how their credit counsellors can work with you to restructure your debt so that you're paying 'pennies on the dollar'

What kind of crap is this!?! I dutifully pay all my bills, stay on top of my credit situation and you're gonna swoop in at the last second and only pay 'pennies on the dollar'? That's a bunch of garbage. You were the dumb-ass that bought more stuff than you had the money to pay for. You should get stuck with the whole bill.

And don't give me that nonsense about not having the money for necessities. If your situation is desperate enough that you don't have money for necessities, then you should be looking for help THEN, not after racking up $10,000 or more on a credit card.

And then there's the jerk-offs that want to help you secure business credit, so you can incur even more debt, after you've exhausted your personal options. How irresponsible is that? You can't get a bank to lend you any money on your own name, so you'll create a corporation so you can get access to even more money you're never paying back.

Christ do I hate irresponsibility.

Blog (Old) Song Of The Day:

George Michael - Praying For Time

Failing an interest in seeing 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' (which I still want to see but will probably require a girl for a companion to it), here is a list of other movies I want to see, and are coming in the near future (as witnessed by the commercials I saw while watching basketball tonight):

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (I know, but its a complete list)
Street Kings
Iron Man
Speed Racer

Now that my sister is not likely to be free to see any movies with me (new baby and all) I need to find someone that will go with me to non-traditionally-guy movies. Up first - Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Any takers?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Even though they lost, should I still buy a Memphis Tigers basketball jersey?

Dear Smirnoff Ice Company:

Could you please not put the bottle caps on your beverage with a 150 ton hydraulic press? The exertion that it takes to remove them has removed most of the skin on my hand.

Thank you.

Every time I see one of these young, pretty, very girly pop singers dancing around, singing into a pink, sparkly microphone, I can't help but think they look like they're singing into a sex toy.

Do you know what really grinds my gears?

I’m playing EA hockey on my Playstation Portable today at lunch. It took me a whopping 6 minutes to eat my sandwich, banana and granola bar, so I had time to kill. What’s easier to play in 20 minutes than a game of hockey? Nothing I could think of, so I fire up the game.

I set it to Edmonton versus Carolina. I believe that’s the default when you load it up, because they were the finalists from the version of the game that I own. I made the mistake of not flipping the teams to make Edmonton home. Thus I had to play the whole game going down the ice, instead of up, which I would prefer.

Despite that layout anomaly, I was owning the Hurricanes. It wasn’t even close. It was 17-5 in shots after two periods, and I had a 2-0 lead. They couldn’t even get over my blue-line to get a shot. I won the opening face-off of the third period, drove into their end, and after junking it up on the boards for awhile, I popped a third goal into their net. 3-0 for Edmonton, 18 minutes and changes to play. (I had it set for 5 minute (real-time) periods) So realistically, there wasn’t much game for them to make a come-back.

So the first thing that happens is on the ensuing face-off at center ice, the computer wins it, dekes past my centerman, and pops off a shot at the blue line, with a defenseman all over him. Guess what happens? Of course, he scores on that crummy shot. There is no way a professional goalie, even a bad one, gives up that goal in real life, in a real game, with 18 minutes and change to play. It just doesn’t happen.

Game resumes and I’m all over them again. I drive into their end like I have a dozen times already. But now I can’t get a shot to the net. They are blocking everything or tying up my wingers so I can’t get a one-timer off. So I’ll skate in, pass, and either get a weak shot, or no shot, and the puck ends up in the corner. They drive out, my defensemen knock them down at the blue-line, and the cycle repeats itself.

So we get to the 12 minute mark and they drive into my end. My defensemen are on them, and there’s no shot. Their guy passes it from beside the net, all the way back to the right defense. (I know, WTF!?!). My computer guy jumps on him right away. Nevertheless he gets off a weak shot from there, with a guy on him. Goalie misses it, now its 3-2. What In The F is going on!?!

Now I’m going hard on defense because it’s clear the game is rigged. I win face-offs, skate deep into my end, make them chase me, and then do a rush. It’s harder to deke in their end so I’m losing the puck a lot when I get there. So I start shooting. That’s a mistake. 3 minutes to go they get the puck on the right, pass to an open guy on the left. He shoots from just inside the blue line and they score again, on another piece of junk shot. Now its TIED!

I won’t bore you with the details. We go to over-time. They get the puck in my end. There is a huge pile in front of the goal. Their guy shoots the puck and it makes it over this mess and goes in the top corner. The physics of the shot were completely impossible. Nevertheless because the computer cheats I went from winning 3-0, to losing 4-3 in overtime.

It makes a guy want to quit gaming altogether. Maybe I should take up knitting.

Remember when I said I hated Windows Vista?

Add another couple hundred REALLY's to that.

Do you know what really grinds my gears?

Today is March 31. Its not July. The temperature was -2 C, with an overcast sky and a few sprinkles of snow coming down. It was not a hospitable day. You certainly wouldn't contemplate an outdoor activity for the sport of it.

I'm coming out of Zellers with my cat supplies and going in the opposite direction. He's got on shorts, and a shirt with the arms cut off. Frankly, it looked like he was on his way to a pick-up basketball game on some outdoor, asphalt court.

What the hell is everyone's hurry for it to be summer? Its cold and miserable out. Wear cold/miserable clothing. The world is not going to end if you don't wear shorts. Pants are a perfectly acceptable fashion choice.

So this asshole will go without proper clothing in the name of style and probably end up with a staph infection at some point. Stupidity usually knows no bounds. Then he'll be taken to a doctor with a fever and fits and they'll pump $600 worth of anti-biotics into him. The bill for that will end up on the desk of the local health region, which I am funding because I pay my taxes. So the result is, as it always is, that I gotta pay for this ass clown to be stupid.

Anyone got an idea when we're gonna get a clue about how we SHOULD be dealing with problems like this?

Let me try to put this into perspective for everyone.

I REALLY!

REALLY!!

REALLY!!!

REALLY!!!!

REALLY!!!!!

REALLY!!!!!!

REALLY!!!!!!!

REALLY!!!!!!!!

REALLY!!!!!!!!!

REALLY!!!!!!!!!!

HATE WINDOWS VISTA!!!!!!!!!!!

Blog Song Of The Day:

Pixies – Wave Of Mutilation (UK Surf Version)

Blog Question Of The Day:

So, I watched the episode of 'How I Met Your Mother' tonight. This was the one were Britney Spears guest starred as a receptionist.

By most accounts it looks like Britney is getting her act together. This is no doubt because her dad is smacking her on the ass when she screws up. Nevertheless:

Do we think Britney is hot again, now that's she's cleaned up her act?

Blog Music Question Of The Day:

Which is the best Van Halen song?

1) Panama
2) Jump

I have come to a painful yet inevitable conclusion. There is a sub-set of ordinary females that is completely out of their mind.

Today was a cold day. Not a frigid winter day but despite the shining sun it was not warm. It was not spring warm, or even March warm. There was a definite chill in the air. You needed to be wearing a winter-type jacket to stay comfortable outside.

To my own discredit, I went to the mall on a holiday Saturday. This does not speak well to my own sanity. Nevertheless I went and it is there that I witnessed this lunacy. I was walking across the parking lot, having just visited the ABM. I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular, other than I felt like an idiot visiting the mall when it was busy. I looked up and coming towards me was a girl. Its becoming increasingly difficult for me to correctly judge people's ages. Nevertheless I'm going to peg this girl at about 20.

I was wearing jeans, and my winter jacket which is a reasonably warm, leather coat. My hair is only a week longer than shaved to the scalp. I was comfortable enough but by no means warm. Coming towards me was a girl, about 20 years old, and approximately 5'3" tall. She was wearing silly looking sunglasses and a mediocre looking jacket. It was more than a sweater but less than my jacket. Combined with that was shorts. Not short pants, or some kind of stylish fashion-oriented pants. These were shorts. Summer-time, lets go for a walk on the beach, shorts.

And giant, fuzzy moon boots.

WHAT THE HELL!?!

Its warm enough for shorts and yet still wear moon boots? How do you come to that conclusion? Let's try and imagine the thought process:

"You know, like, it looks so nice outside, I think I'll wear shorts. I love the sun!"

"Oh poo, there's still snow on the ground. That's like SOOO unfair. Boo! I guess I'll wear boots"

WHAT THE HELL!?!

Doesn't anyone think anymore? When its cold, wear cold weather clothes. When its GENUINELY warm, then break out the summer clothes. But don't mix/match the two so you go out looking like a semi-retarded idiot that's on a day-pass from the loony bin.

Do you know what really grinds my gears?

Let's say you go to your average, social news site? Something that is populated by links to content that is created by amateurs, or semi-amateurs. There's nothing wrong with the content, its just not as polished as you might find on an MSN or Yahoo.
umb
I like these sites but one that drives me nuts is the pictures. What the hell is wrong with these people? They create a page about something and include a collection of thumbnails at the bottom that you can click for a better image related to the story. So you click the thumbnail and it proceeds to load a page with a version of the picture that is MAYBE 25% larger than the thumbnail itself.

What the point? What's the freakin' point!?! If you don't have a version of the picture that is actually worthy of being contained on a separate page but only have thumbnail or low resolution versions of the photo, then don't toy with me. Just post the thumbnails and leave it at that. I just hate when I click a little image, expecting a big image, and instead get a slightly blown up version of the original small picture.

Blog Question Of The Day:

How many teams are eligible to be selected for the 64 team tournament that culminates with the NCAA Final Four?

I would like to take this opportunity to announce that, by killing a Bonelasher in the Bone Wastes, I achieved the Level of 70 in World of Warcraft.

Revelation 6:8

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.

In ancient Greece (469-399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students…?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”

“Test of Three?”

“That’s correct,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man replied, “actually I just heard about it.”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

“No, on the contrary it’s…”

So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, “You may still pass though because there is a third test — the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

“Err..no, not really..”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

Defeated and ashamed the man said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was shagging his wife.

Blog Quote Of The Day:

We can deal with shame. Death is a much deeper issue.

I have a question.

I've been reading about this Eliot Spitzer dude in New York who just had his whole world brought to his knees over prostitution. This made me think of something.

Why are we regulating sex in this way? I thought we'd all agreed, when we, as a society, decided we weren't going to give homosexuals a problem anymore, that we were going to get out of the bedroom of people. Now its right back in there we go.

Here's my question. Why do we get out of the bedroom of gays, and not make their activities illegal, yet we do get into the bedroom of two people because one gives the other money?

I shouldn't have to get pissed off about things like this. But I went to the Chicago Tribune web site. I wanted to read an article about Barack Obama. My computer proceeded to sieze up completely with 96% RAM usage as Spamasaurus Rex attacked me.

Why can't I go to a completely innocuous web site like the god damn Chicago Tribune site, and not be deluged by pop-ups and spam advertising!?! Why is this? Who are the idiots that are getting sucked in by pop-up advertising? Really!?! After this much time is anyone still falling for this bullshit marketing!?!

Its the damn shot-gun approach that is taken to everything lately. If you beat enough people with enough baseball bats, eventually someone goes down from it. If I send a million pieces of spam, someone with inadvertently click it and I'll get the 3 cent page click-through. ARRGGGHHHH!!!! This crap has to stop. Can't you just sell something people actually want and stop trying to steal our money!?!

It is my opinion that no entity that wishes to go by a name that includes .com at the end, should be allowed to purchase naming rights to a major league sports facility.\

Billy Packer is a fudge packer.

Flo Rida - Low has got to be the most ANNOYING song on popular radio right now. I hate it!!!

Would I pay $40,100 for a date with Scarlett Johansson?

...

If $40,100 wasn't a significant portion of my net worth then yes, I probably would spent $40,100 for a date with Scarlett Johansson.

There is nothing, on the face of this earth, that I hate more, than stupid people that wear sunglasses as a fashion accessory, and nothing more.

Blog Song Of The Day:

Miley Cyrus - See You Again

Tonight, I have reached the Level of 69. I feel pretty good about that.

Every so often you run into someone too stupid for words. My opinion on this is far from a serious, scientific examination. However, in my opinion, it seems like girls predominant among stupid people.

I went to Taco Time for lunch yesterday. From some mysterious place I found some motivation and I left the house to run some errands. I was out, and I had a craving, so I thought I'd grab some imitation Mexican food.

Just ahead of me, a couple went into the restaurant. I didn't take much notice of it at that point. But service at Taco Time is very slow, so having made my menu choice I had some time to gawk around.

Please keep in mind that the date was March 8. There is still a good, two feet, of snow on the ground, in most places. The temperature, while mild for the time of the year, was still below zero, or very close to the freezing mark. I'll concede, it felt pretty nice when one was outside. But it felt nice for March, not in general.

This stupid girl was wearing flip-flops. Not sandals, not those stupid rubber Dawg shoes. She was wearing $2.99 Wal-Mart issue flip-flops. What are you, retarded!?! Its freakin' March! It is not the time for god damn flip-flops!

Lord in heaven, what would possess you to be that almighty stupid!?! There's still snow basically everywhere. Yes the roads and sidewalks are mostly melted. But even these are not dry and warm. There's puddles everywhere and its about zero out. Wearing flip-flops is a recipe for cold feet. Which she will undoubtably bitch about when she gets home.

I took my Taco Time bag and headed for home. I felt sorry for the guy that was with this girl. That girl was too stupid for words.

I am now going to suspend my usual attempt at expletive prohibition on my blog. I know a few slip out here and there, but I'm usually editting myself for content a bit.

What in the Fuck were the Riders thinking?

This has to be the worst trade I've ever seen. In my life! We traded the league MVP for last year, and the Grey Cup leader, for two lineman and a draft pick. I'll let that sink in for a minute so you can really digest it.

Two linemen. And a draft pick.

What the Fuck is up with that?

They say we couldn't fit it in under the salary cap. If that's true, and I have GRAVE misgivings about believing that, then what kind of stupid priorities do you have that you don't want to sign the all-start quarterback first!?!

I've heard some people suggest that Kerry Joseph is not that good. That he had failings and was not in keeping with what a superstar in the CFL usually is. Well, let me point out that he's the only guy to win us the Grey Cup in the last 20 years, since the last guy who did it, quit as our coach. I'm starting to see a pattern with this general manager and it seems to be a mass exodus out the door.

I'm a bit too apoplectic with rage to remember the name's of the other stars that our general manager either didn't or couldn't sign, for this supposed salary cap reason. Which brings me to another question. If we can't sign all of these all-stars to contracts, who the hell are we giving our money to? We're bringing in a couple more linemen when no one ever expressed any displeasure with the current state of our line. How do we plan to pay them? I suppose we could use that money we now have since we've got NO marquee player anymore!!!

Christ, why does this keep happening? I'm pretty much convinced this is not Eric Tillman's doing. Its gotta be coming from higher up. So let's find this fucking asshole who won't pay an MVP quarterback an MVP salary. I'd like to find that dirtbag asshole and string him up by his ball sack. Because I can pretty much guarantee we'll save Danny Potato-Head's coaching job in Edmonton. With Marcus Crandell at the helm its pretty obvious we're going to be in last place in the league for some time to come.

Assholes!!

Honestly? I think its a waste of a rare earth metal to put titanium in a disposable razor blade.

"I've come to the understanding that life can be absolutely fucking brutal. I view life as a big desperate bear, loose in a campground. You see the bear, and try to avoid its gaze. Because if you lock eyes, it thinks you want to play, it doesn't know its own strength, and it starts beating the everloving shit out of you. All in the name of good clean kodiak fun."

Calling all readers of my blog!

I came to a conclusion tonight. I came to this conclusion because I have, again, been subject to an almost exclusive restaurant diet. This has had an adverse affect on my general sense of well-being.

Something I've noticed is that, regular exercise has the exact opposite affect on my general sense of well-being. Even if I eat/drink like a pig, and do nothing but sleep and watch TV. If I can find a regular game to be a part of, my body responds favorably.

Delco hockey on Friday's is coming to a close for another season. Soccer is also winding to its seasonal conclusion. Do to the reason's above, I am uncomfortable about the prospect of no weekly game to provide that sense of refreshment. Thus I reach out to you my readers.

Does anyone out there have a softball team I can play on for the summer?

Blog Question Of The Day:

If you are a girl, under what conditions would you wear a shirt emblazoned with the masthead from Hustler magazine?

Once again I feel like I need something explained to me. Because I spent a bunch of time thinking about it, and it doesn't make any sense.

Why in the hell do radios come with only 6 buttons for pre-sets? I suppose, sometime in the arcane past, there was a reason for only 6 pre-set positions. And frankly, when you only have regular radio, what are the odds that you would need more than 6 saved spots.

But I have a satellite radio, and it makes no god damn sense whatsoever to have this same, stupid, idiotic 6 pre-set positions. Oh, they give you more by choosing another button, and thus enabling a second (and on and on) set of pre-sets. But how freakin' annoying is that? I get six saved spots, and if the channel I want isn't in that list, I have to click a button to get to a second set. And let's say I can't find anything there either. Now, if I want to get back to the first six, I have to click the stupid button 4 more god damn damns to scroll back to the original six!

Can't we please think with our brains already! Let's dump the stupid, six pre-set selection idea and just have ten digit buttons, like a cable box. Then I just type in the digits of the channel I want, and bingo, I'm at my station. This six pre-set business is for the 1900's.

Blog Link Of The Day:

This isn't as funny as the first one, because its kinda expected, but its still enough to make you pee your pants!

F|_|cking Ben Affleck

What I am about to say is a truth. A truth so pure and unassailable that it needs no explanation.

Joan McCusker is the WORST curling announcer I have ever heard.

Blog Poll Of The Day:

Seether - Fake It

Love it or hate it?

What's the deal with the gas station at Extra Foods? Every time I go there after work the place is a gong show. Is there some kind of special deal if you buy gas at Extra Foods? Its busy like the low price store in a gas war. There had to have been 6 people lined up to buy gas. Lined up!! As in, sitting behind cars that are at the pump getting gas. You never see that anymore. If a station is full, people just go somewhere else. Not the Extra Foods. They must have special golden gas.

Jennifer Jones of Team Manitoba has sexy eye brows.

As of today at lunch I had purchased jerseys for 4 of the 6 Canadian NHL teams. As for the other two, I have no intention of ever purchasing those, as its my position both teams can be disbanded, sold for scrap, and the proceeds spent on a cup of coffee.

Just a thought but could we maybe retire Bob Cole and Harry Neale for two people that don't sound like they're calling the game from the geriatric ward of Our Lady of Tender Mercies Hospital?

Blog Question Of The Day:

I've been doing a lot of surfing (shopping) on the internet today, as I've done virtually nothing besides sit at the computer. One thing I have not been able to decide is, if I were to buy a baseball jersey, what team should I support?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Can someone please explain to me why we're still watching the Toronto Maple Leafs on the venerable, Saturday's Hockey Night In Canada, when the Leafs are the second WORST team in the damn league!?!?!

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why is it that I've never gone for a ride on an elephant?

Blog Link Of The Day:

This is freakin' hilarious!!!

F|_|cking Matt Damon

Blog Question Of The Day:

Would a pressure washer be good at removing soap scum in the bathroom?

Is there anything more white than driving around with a Ski-doo in the back of your pick-up truck?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why does my cat watch me shovel snow?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why are Government of Canada envelopes printed upside-down?

Do you know what really grinds my gears?

People that do something patently stupid, just because they're too lazy to walk 50 feet.

I'm leaving hockey this afternoon. Its a rink with two sheets of ice, and its not 4:30 in the afternoon so the action is beginning to heat up. The parking lot is starting to fill with cars. But its not full. Maximum density has not been reached. If you just drive to the end of the parking lot, there are lots of spots.

So what does this arrogant bitch in a champagne colored mini-van do? She turns off the street and immediately turns left and parks on the grass. On the grass!

You'd never do that in the spring or summer, when the grass is green and people are obviously tending to it. So why is it allowable in the god damn winter!?! Just because its covered in ice and snow does not mean you can park there! Grow a god damn brain!

P.S. VIP parking for concerts at Credit Union Centre is still gay.

This is just about the coolest thing that ever happened!

We had a mini-blizzard today. It was no terror or anything. Starting sometime overnight we had snow and a howling wind. It rose to a crescendo about 10:00 or 11:00 this morning. When I went for lunch at noon it was going pretty good. I've seen worse but it was a pretty good snowstorm.

Funny thing about going for lunch. When I came back I saw the funniest thing. There were two cop cars and a tow truck on Idylwyld heading south. This was approximately at Wheatheart. There, buried deep in the ditch was a Hummer H3. I guess they can't go through everything.

Back to the story.

I came home tonight at 9:30. I was kinda dreading it because there was a lot of snow on the road and frankly, I was fearing a big set of snow drifts in my driveway. But it was clean! Completely free! At first I thought maybe the wind has been such that it blew clean. But that was not the truth. Someone with a snow blower had seen fit to blow out my driveway. The whole thing. I am shocked, amazed, and quite humbled. I don't know why anyone would would do that for me.

But there it is, plain as anything. My driveway is clear and I don't have an hour's shovelling to do tomorrow. So, if whoever blew out my driveway is reading this, I bid you a hearty THANK YOU! I definitely appreciate it.

Do you know what really grinds my gears?

Wal-Mart

I had to go there today. I'm doing an experiment. I'm going to try watching a movie on my PlayStation Portable. To the best of my knowledge there are only two places to buy PSP movies in a store. You can go to Wal-Mart or Future Shop. You can go to Future Shop but the selection is abysmal and they want $25 for just about everything. Pardon me for being cheap but I don't want to spend $25 on a movie that will only work on my PlayStation Portable. So I went to Wal-Mart. They have quite a few movies actually (I've checked before) and they cost about half of what you'd pay at Future Shop. Plus I could pick up some groceries and that would be my only shopping trip.

So I go to Wal-Mart this morning. I wanted to go before lunch so the teeming hordes would not yet be roused. I was only partially successful. The place was still busy but thankfully I didn't have to stumble over shopping carts.

So what's the deal with the greeters at Wal-Mart? First of all, what's the point? Besides pissing me off, what do these people accomplish? I get the purpose of the guy at the exit door. You gotta stop shoplifting. And with the semi-destitute people that seem to love Wal-Mart, it seems like a valid concern. But what's that guy at the entrance doing? I could have punched the guy they had there today. I have to cut him a little slack because I think he was actually semi-retarded. But could he possibly greet me without screaming? He just barking at everyone coming in the door and it was really irritating. Part of his training should have been volume control.

But that's not what pisses me off. I pick up my UMD movie and head to the food section for my breakfast groceries. Suddenly there is this wailing! Its obviously a child but the volume was unbelievable! You'd think they'd been hit by a sniper attack. Seriously, this was death rattling. They damn kid just howls, and howls and howls. It was the type of scream that you only seem to get when anal sex goes bad. This was brutal.

I'm already losing my patience with this as I walk to the check-out counter. I'm half a store away. Its only when I get to the front tills that I discover the source of this howling. Half a store away! This little piss-ant brat is just screaming bloody murder and its permeating the whole store. At full volume! And these fucking idiot parents are just letting the kid scream. And scream, and scream, and scream. I wanted to commit murder again. Surely I'd be doing this kid a favor if I put two in the temple of this ignorant mother and her half-wit husband. And the real kick in the balls to this is, they didn't even look like your typical, ignorant welfare miscreants. It looked like a middle-class family.

Sometimes I think that murder is justified.

I apologize but there was supposed to be a picture here. Yeah, right here where all this boring text is. I burning my lip on super-heated cheese from the Crustini I had at lunch. It hurt quite a bit and after about 10 minutes I actually blistered my lip. That's what I was going to take a picture of, because I know you all need to be grossed out from time to time.

However, as it turns out there will be no picture because it burne enough that I kept nibbling on it to the point where I had no blister left when I got home tonight.

So there's no picture. Just this overly graphic description of the wound I inflicted upon myself.

I have a question.

Why is it that no one has invented an actual cure for headaches? I mean, come on! These things have plagued man for as long as we've been able to express that we're in pain. I think even the monkeys were getting headaches. I mean, have you ever watched them? They jump around and scream a lot. That seems like a headache sufferer to me.

This is why we hate the medical profession so much. (Or maybe its why I hate them so much) I have a problem and they do nothing for me. I get a headache and they sell me some pills. I take the pills and my headache doesn't go away. Why kind of a rip-off is this!?!

Probably the worst part about it is, we actually put up with this. Medicine fails us and we just go, oh well, and put up with it. It seems amazing that we've had 'modern' medicine for a hundred years or more, and they can't invent a way to eliminate a headache.

It just goes to show where the priorities are. They can invent a pill that'll give you a boner, but no one can cure my damn headache!