I have a question about sub sandwiches.

What the hell is the deal with all the lettuce!?!

I have never understood this. You go to any of the major sub sandwich places (Quiznos excluded because they run the sandwich through that crematorium for bread) and you get about half a pound of lettuce on your sandwich.

Why!?!

First of all, to the best of my knowledge, no one gets a sandwich for the lettuce.

'Hi, I'd like a chicken sandwich. Can I have extra lettuce and please, go light on the chicken.'

That just doesn't happen. Lettuce is a garnish, and a poor one at that. Does lettuce even have any kind of distinguishable taste? It seems more likely that the lettuce is there just to give the sandwich bulk and make you feel a little better about the $8 you're spending on a sub.

Given that its there just to provide bulk, do they have to go so ape with it? I bought a sub today and the guy couldn't wrap it properly because of the bushel of lettuce he put on the bun. I don't think I should have to say 'go light on the lettuce' when I order a sandwich. I like a little lettuce on my bread, because it makes it crunch, and like I said, I feel better about my $8. My god, when I need a special lifting apparatus, and specific structural support for my bun, because the lettuce is overflowing, I consider that a problem.

And that's my last complaint. You order a sub, they put a yard of lettuce on it, and when you go to eat it, 96% of the surplus lettuce falls out. So they slice up lettuce to put on my sandwich, only to have it fall out and eventually end up in the garbage. This is just wasteful. Plus I feel slightly morose about throwing away a pile of lettuce that's more copious than the grass clipping when I mow the 4 acres of yard at my old house. But I'm not going to eat the lettuce all by itself, because like I said earlier, lettuce has no distinguishable taste.

So, in conclusion, I would like to say, sub sub operators, knock it off with the lettuce. Let's bring the application of it back to reality.