This whole adventure has been to get myself to a place that is more positive, and more confident. Every one of these blog posts that have been going on for months, have been centred on this over-riding goal to just "Be Better."
I have every reason to be engulfed by that mantra. I just played an incredible soccer game. I was fast, and on target. I had a goal, an assist, and almost had two more goals. Not gifts either, of being fortuitously in the right place at the right time. I actually ran to a spot and made myself available to get a pass, and score a goal.
On top of that I fed my passion, which has become fitness and sports. I did a morning workout, with my leg routine. I cut all of my grass. I went for a 50 minute, 14 kilometre bike ride. I followed that with some reading to enhance my mind, and spent an enjoyable 30 minutes in my hot tub. Still not giving up I went and practiced soccer for 50 minutes after finishing watching Hamilton dismantle Montreal in a CFL game. To get "up" for the soccer game I peddled 15 minutes on the stationary bike while I finished my chapter in "The New Male Sexuality". I had an awesome day.
So why do I dread going to sleep now? I dread it because I know the morning will come and everything I've built in this day, will disappear like Drew Barrymore's memory in "50 First Dates." I will wake up in the morning hating life and wanting to just stay in bed.
That's not what I want. My consciousness does not agree with my brain and I'm fighting a bitter war for control. I have done all that I've done for it to be additive, resulting in a mind, body and being that is just "better". But something is in the way. Its not building. My body still changes, and I ritualistically brutalize it with more and more exertion without end. The weight does not disappear anymore, like it did last summer/fall. But now I'm remoulding and reshaping. I look different then I did before.
But my mind resists my efforts. My efforts are not building upon each other. There are minor, incremental improvements. I have become a "glass half full" person but the systemic advancement that I hoped would accrue, as I began all these mind modification challenges in January, has not resulted. It feels like I'm actually regressing, and I'm losing my positivity edge.
Why do I write this? What I have found is that my struggles, when left internal, eat at me, my success and my confidence eroded to the base. Were I a stronger person, I would find a friend to listen to me, and talk my way out of the malaise. But one of the symptoms of my distress is an inability to express my deep fears and desires. So I huddle with them in the shadows, until they become my only confidante.
This is cheating, in a way. Just writing them down in a empty blog post, such that someone might read. But I want to get back to my improvements. I need to change. I've seen the greener pasture and I want across this fence. I need to do something so I'll try this.
Until then, I remain . . .
Saturday, July 21, 2012
La Connexion Francaise (2012-07-21)
La Connexion Francaise
1. J'ai joue soccer ce soir. J'ai marque a but!
2. Mon corps est fatigue mais heureux.
1. J'ai joue soccer ce soir. J'ai marque a but!
2. Mon corps est fatigue mais heureux.
Today I Learned . . . (2012-07-21)
Today I Learned . . .
1. Fill up Ziploc bags with water and drop one penny into each bag. Hang around patio and keeps flying insects away.
1. Fill up Ziploc bags with water and drop one penny into each bag. Hang around patio and keeps flying insects away.
The Daily Affirmation (2012-07-21)
The Daily Affirmation
1. I went on a long(-ish) bike ride. I'm tired but I feel alive.
2. I ran hard, assisted on the first goal, scored one myself on a penalty kick, and would have had 2 more if it weren't for miraculous saves by the opposing goalie. In all, the very best soccer game I know how to play.
3. Filled in every column on my tracking spreadsheet again.
1. I went on a long(-ish) bike ride. I'm tired but I feel alive.
2. I ran hard, assisted on the first goal, scored one myself on a penalty kick, and would have had 2 more if it weren't for miraculous saves by the opposing goalie. In all, the very best soccer game I know how to play.
3. Filled in every column on my tracking spreadsheet again.
The Daily Photo(s) (2012-07-21)
The Daily Photo(s)
1. Are these cherries?
2. I've seen this for years and just realized that it's supposed to be a drainage pond
1. Are these cherries?
2. I've seen this for years and just realized that it's supposed to be a drainage pond
Blog Question(s) Of The Day (2012-07-21)
Blog Question(s) Of The Day
1. What is the best measure of how successful one's life is?
2. Is it vain to not be interested in women my own age?
3. Should I buy a Toronto Blue Jays frosty mug off eBay for $30?
4. Do I need 23 GB of music on my iPad?
1. What is the best measure of how successful one's life is?
2. Is it vain to not be interested in women my own age?
3. Should I buy a Toronto Blue Jays frosty mug off eBay for $30?
4. Do I need 23 GB of music on my iPad?
Friday, July 20, 2012
La Connexion Francaise (2012-07-20)
La Connexion Francaise
1. Il est difficile trouver celebrite ancien
1. Il est difficile trouver celebrite ancien
Blog Question(s) Of The Day (2012-07-20)
Blog Question(s) Of The Day
1. Am I putting too much of a premium on having a large roster of events?
1. Am I putting too much of a premium on having a large roster of events?
Today I Learned . . . (2012-07-20)
Today I Learned . . .
1. There are 106 chemicals that can be put into a commercial beer with no mention of them on a label. These chemicals can be used for such things as foam enhancement, stabilization and anti-oxidation.
1. There are 106 chemicals that can be put into a commercial beer with no mention of them on a label. These chemicals can be used for such things as foam enhancement, stabilization and anti-oxidation.
The Daily Affirmation (2012-07-20)
The Daily Affirmation
1. I was successful in writing 1 work article a day for an entire week
1. I was successful in writing 1 work article a day for an entire week
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Blog Question(s) Of The Day (2012-07-19)
Blog Question(s) Of The Day
1. Is there someone who can tell me what calorie value to target, to guarantee weight loss?
2. Should I buy light colored pants?
3. Should I get a white or green Rider jersey?
1. Is there someone who can tell me what calorie value to target, to guarantee weight loss?
2. Should I buy light colored pants?
3. Should I get a white or green Rider jersey?
Today I Learned . . . (2012-07-19)
Today I Learned . . .
1. Thanks to his far-flung travels and his appetite for women, a 2003 study found that as many as 16 million people alive today -- or about 0.5 percent of the global population -- are descendants of Khan.
1. Thanks to his far-flung travels and his appetite for women, a 2003 study found that as many as 16 million people alive today -- or about 0.5 percent of the global population -- are descendants of Khan.
The Daily Affirmation (2012-07-19)
The Daily Affirmation
1. I went outside at lunch today, after being indoors for the whole morning, and the warmth of the sun on my face felt very comforting and seemed to buoy my spirits.
2. My visit to the doctor was more rewarding than I expected and it feels like I might have a solution of progress to my recent feelings of ill health.
3. I constructed a complicated French sentence on my own (with dictionary/conjugation help) and when I tried it on Google Translate it came out with the exact meaning that I intended.
4. My spa water is finally clear!
5. On a day that began so miserably, I ended up filling every column in my tracking spreadsheet with a non-zero number.
1. I went outside at lunch today, after being indoors for the whole morning, and the warmth of the sun on my face felt very comforting and seemed to buoy my spirits.
2. My visit to the doctor was more rewarding than I expected and it feels like I might have a solution of progress to my recent feelings of ill health.
3. I constructed a complicated French sentence on my own (with dictionary/conjugation help) and when I tried it on Google Translate it came out with the exact meaning that I intended.
4. My spa water is finally clear!
5. On a day that began so miserably, I ended up filling every column in my tracking spreadsheet with a non-zero number.
La Connexion Francaise (2012-07-19)
La Connexion Francaise
1. Peux-je avoir mon motivation s'il vous plait?
2. Est-ce qu’il y a personne qui peut dit moi combien calories manger?
1. Peux-je avoir mon motivation s'il vous plait?
2. Est-ce qu’il y a personne qui peut dit moi combien calories manger?
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Blog Question(s) Of The Day (2012-07-18)
Blog Question(s) Of The Day
1. How do I find a massage therapist that would date me?
1. How do I find a massage therapist that would date me?
Today I Learned . . . (2012-07-18)
Today I Learned . . .
1. ALT codes for special language characters:
a with grave accent
à ALT + 133 À ALT + 0192
a with circumflex
â ALT + 131 Â ALT + 0194
a with tréma
ä ALT + 132 Ä ALT + 142
a e ligature
æ ALT + 145 Æ ALT + 146
c with cedilla
ç ALT + 135 Ç ALT + 128
e with acute accent
é ALT + 130 É ALT + 144
e with grave accent
è ALT + 138 È ALT + 0200
e with circumflex
ê ALT + 136 Ê ALT + 0202
e with tréma
ë ALT + 137 Ë ALT + 0203
i with circumflex
î ALT + 140 Î ALT + 0206
i with tréma
ï ALT + 139 Ï ALT + 0207
o with circumflex
ô ALT + 147 Ô ALT + 0212
o e ligature
œ ALT + 0156 Œ ALT + 0140
u with grave accent
ù ALT + 151 Ù ALT + 0217
u with circumflex
û ALT + 150 Û ALT + 0219
u with tréma
ü ALT + 129 Ü ALT + 154
French quotation marks
« ALT + 174 » ALT + 175
Euro symbol
€ ALT + 0128
1. ALT codes for special language characters:
a with grave accent
à ALT + 133 À ALT + 0192
a with circumflex
â ALT + 131 Â ALT + 0194
a with tréma
ä ALT + 132 Ä ALT + 142
a e ligature
æ ALT + 145 Æ ALT + 146
c with cedilla
ç ALT + 135 Ç ALT + 128
e with acute accent
é ALT + 130 É ALT + 144
e with grave accent
è ALT + 138 È ALT + 0200
e with circumflex
ê ALT + 136 Ê ALT + 0202
e with tréma
ë ALT + 137 Ë ALT + 0203
i with circumflex
î ALT + 140 Î ALT + 0206
i with tréma
ï ALT + 139 Ï ALT + 0207
o with circumflex
ô ALT + 147 Ô ALT + 0212
o e ligature
œ ALT + 0156 Œ ALT + 0140
u with grave accent
ù ALT + 151 Ù ALT + 0217
u with circumflex
û ALT + 150 Û ALT + 0219
u with tréma
ü ALT + 129 Ü ALT + 154
French quotation marks
« ALT + 174 » ALT + 175
Euro symbol
€ ALT + 0128
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Blog Question(s) Of The Day (2012-07-17)
Blog Question(s) Of The Day
1. What were all the questions I forgot today?
1. What were all the questions I forgot today?
The Daily Affirmation (2012-07-17)
The Daily Affirmation
1. I have decided I love M&M Almonds
2. We won a slo pitch game!
3. I got compliments on my batting swing when I didn't think it was working very well for me
1. I have decided I love M&M Almonds
2. We won a slo pitch game!
3. I got compliments on my batting swing when I didn't think it was working very well for me
La Connexion Francaise (2012-07-17)
La Connexion Francaise
1. Ma Mustang n'est pas la seule voiture que j'ai.
2. J'espere je joue slo pitch ce soir.
3. Je n'est pas fatigue a 2h dans le matin.
1. Ma Mustang n'est pas la seule voiture que j'ai.
2. J'espere je joue slo pitch ce soir.
3. Je n'est pas fatigue a 2h dans le matin.
Today I Learned . . . (2012-07-17)
Today I Learned . . .
Marie Antoinette's famous expression is actually "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche!" which can not be literally translated to the common understanding of "Let them eat cake!"
Marie Antoinette's famous expression is actually "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche!" which can not be literally translated to the common understanding of "Let them eat cake!"
The Daily Photo(s) (2012-07-17)
The Daily Photo(s)
1. Picture through a microscope of some dirt on a filter pad
And a cropped, annotated version
.jpg)
2. This is what slo pitch looks like
1. Picture through a microscope of some dirt on a filter pad
And a cropped, annotated version
.jpg)
2. This is what slo pitch looks like
Monday, July 16, 2012
Today I Learned . . . (2012-07-16)
Today I Learned . . .
1. Manitoba sales tax does not apply to engineering on work such as feasibility studies, environmental impact assessment or preliminary engineering.
1. Manitoba sales tax does not apply to engineering on work such as feasibility studies, environmental impact assessment or preliminary engineering.
The Daily Photo(s) (2012-07-16)
The Daily Photo(s) (2012-07-16)
1. This is the biggest thing I ever had built
1. This is the biggest thing I ever had built
The Daily Affirmation (2012-07-16)
The Daily Affirmation
1. The two Neepawa skids lifted and were put on trucks today with no issues whatsoever.
2. A quote: "No matter how bad you think your day is going, remember that there are people out there that take soccer seriously"
1. The two Neepawa skids lifted and were put on trucks today with no issues whatsoever.
2. A quote: "No matter how bad you think your day is going, remember that there are people out there that take soccer seriously"
La Connexion Francaise (2012-07-16)
La Connexion Francaise (2012-07-16)
1. Je mange le sandwich dinde et provolone pour dejeuner aujourdi'hui a Costco.
1. Je mange le sandwich dinde et provolone pour dejeuner aujourdi'hui a Costco.
Blog Question(s) Of The Day (2012-07-16)
Blog Question(s) Of The Day
1. What should my new challenge be?
2. Might my constantly aching arms/shoulder be simply the result of being cold from air conditioning?
3. Should I buy a new digital SLR camera?
1. What should my new challenge be?
2. Might my constantly aching arms/shoulder be simply the result of being cold from air conditioning?
3. Should I buy a new digital SLR camera?
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Today I Learned . . . (2012-07-15)
Today I Learned . . .
1. Tony the Tiger won a contest in 1953 to become the sole spokesperson for Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes cereal. The other contestants included Katy the Kangaroo, Elmo the Elephant and Newt the Gnu.
1. Tony the Tiger won a contest in 1953 to become the sole spokesperson for Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes cereal. The other contestants included Katy the Kangaroo, Elmo the Elephant and Newt the Gnu.
Blog Question(s) Of The Day (2012-07-15)
Blog Question(s) Of The Day
1. I don't have any problems. Why do I keep thinking that I have problems?
1. I don't have any problems. Why do I keep thinking that I have problems?
The Daily Affirmation (2012-07-15)
The Daily Affirmation
1. I love the smell of the pool in the morning.
2. The shrimp tacos were amazing tonight
3. I have watched the entire Star Wara saga on consecutive nights
4. I found my microscope!
1. I love the smell of the pool in the morning.
2. The shrimp tacos were amazing tonight
3. I have watched the entire Star Wara saga on consecutive nights
4. I found my microscope!
La Connexion Francaise (2012-07-15)
La Connexion Francaise
1. Je suis obtenir plus le savoir.
2. Je suis un dirigeant.
3. Je regarde au cinema aujourd'hui.
1. Je suis obtenir plus le savoir.
2. Je suis un dirigeant.
3. Je regarde au cinema aujourd'hui.