This clip is just vicious. I love it!
Closer
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
It's finally official. I am pissed off enough about this that I'm going to write about it.
Why does everyone ignore me? I don't get it. Perhaps I'm missing some critical aspect of my own behaviour or attitude. Someone is going to have to answer that for me, because from my perspective I'm not doing anything that justifies this behaviour.
There are numerous examples, most of which I'm going to leave out so as to not make this post about any one person. But the infuriating pattern keeps happening and I've about reached my limit with it.
The hard part about reaching your limit with people ignoring you, is that your alternative is to just ignore them. Its a piss-poor option because, if people ignoring you is pissing you off, then obviously you want their attention and ignoring them is a lousy direction to take.
Why am I being ignored? This is the answerless question that haunts me at night when I should be sleeping. What am I doing that makes it so difficult to:
- answer my email
- return my phone call
- leave a salutation when you cease the conversation
All of these things have occurred, and to my extreme exasperation, have been especially prevalent this week.
You send out an email, which specifically requests a response, and the reply is complete, stone-dead silence. Nothing. Not even a 'no thank you'. Just flat up ignore.
You call someone, again specifically requesting a response, and the result is unnerving dead air. I actually asked for a service, and wanted to compensate, and again it was just another pattern of not being worthy of even a, I'm too busy. Why?
And my personal favourite is querying someone about an issue, and leaving a statement out there to be answered, and that's just the end of the discourse. Not an, I don't know. Not a, no thanks. Not even a, have a good day. Just empty, pregnant silence.
Maybe I'm just an enormous prick. I don't think it would be a stretch to think I might be a tad on the needy side. But why is the pattern repeated that I just get nothing back for my effort? Am I just disliked that much that everyone prefers to walk away over having something to do with me?
This is an effort in self discovery for me. I want to understand why I'm not reaching my goals in life. I'm not a terribly social person. I have identified this as a limitation. But constantly having my attempts to engage people, and being met with the stone wall, is not teaching me anything. In fact its making me ragingly angry and on the verge of becoming a militant asshole to everyone. If you thought I was a prick now, you should see what I could do if I'm committed.
I guess, at the end of the this, I'm asking for advice. Being ignored does not feel very good and I'd like it to stop. But clearly I'm exhibiting some kind of personality flaw that makes it easier for people to walk away than to say good bye. So what is it? Enlighten me!
Why does everyone ignore me? I don't get it. Perhaps I'm missing some critical aspect of my own behaviour or attitude. Someone is going to have to answer that for me, because from my perspective I'm not doing anything that justifies this behaviour.
There are numerous examples, most of which I'm going to leave out so as to not make this post about any one person. But the infuriating pattern keeps happening and I've about reached my limit with it.
The hard part about reaching your limit with people ignoring you, is that your alternative is to just ignore them. Its a piss-poor option because, if people ignoring you is pissing you off, then obviously you want their attention and ignoring them is a lousy direction to take.
Why am I being ignored? This is the answerless question that haunts me at night when I should be sleeping. What am I doing that makes it so difficult to:
- answer my email
- return my phone call
- leave a salutation when you cease the conversation
All of these things have occurred, and to my extreme exasperation, have been especially prevalent this week.
You send out an email, which specifically requests a response, and the reply is complete, stone-dead silence. Nothing. Not even a 'no thank you'. Just flat up ignore.
You call someone, again specifically requesting a response, and the result is unnerving dead air. I actually asked for a service, and wanted to compensate, and again it was just another pattern of not being worthy of even a, I'm too busy. Why?
And my personal favourite is querying someone about an issue, and leaving a statement out there to be answered, and that's just the end of the discourse. Not an, I don't know. Not a, no thanks. Not even a, have a good day. Just empty, pregnant silence.
Maybe I'm just an enormous prick. I don't think it would be a stretch to think I might be a tad on the needy side. But why is the pattern repeated that I just get nothing back for my effort? Am I just disliked that much that everyone prefers to walk away over having something to do with me?
This is an effort in self discovery for me. I want to understand why I'm not reaching my goals in life. I'm not a terribly social person. I have identified this as a limitation. But constantly having my attempts to engage people, and being met with the stone wall, is not teaching me anything. In fact its making me ragingly angry and on the verge of becoming a militant asshole to everyone. If you thought I was a prick now, you should see what I could do if I'm committed.
I guess, at the end of the this, I'm asking for advice. Being ignored does not feel very good and I'd like it to stop. But clearly I'm exhibiting some kind of personality flaw that makes it easier for people to walk away than to say good bye. So what is it? Enlighten me!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
It has been a weird week.
I feel a bunch of things. Which in and of itself is weird, because you’re not really supposed to notice yourself feeling things. It’s just supposed to be happen.
I could lie and say I knew it was coming. If I tried to do that, you’d see right through me like a white shirt in a wet t-shirt contest. I didn’t see it coming, although maybe I should have.
Tuesday opened my eyes. It is not a lie to say I thought about the moment when it would happen. Because it would have been foolish to think I could go through the rest of my life without it happening. That’s what I wanted though.
I set up my trade show booth on Tuesday, with my direct competitor across the aisle from me. That direct competitor being my former employer. To say I have conflicted feelings about my former employer would be an understatement in the highest regard. It is unlikely that I will resolve the struggle within me about how it came to pass that I went from there to here.
There is a part of me, a very large part of me in fact, that wishes I could just hate him. That would be the easy way to deal with my emotions. Just let it be a smoldering, unquenched fire that burns in my belly. At least if I knew that’s what I felt then I could make a peace with it. But that isn’t true, so I don’t get the comfort.
While I knew beforehand that my direct competitor was going to be across the aisle from me, I was not prepared for the reality of the man who was my former employer, standing within that opposing booth. I hadn’t steeled myself for that. So when I saw him walking towards me, from the massive glass wall that framed the end of the trade show floor, my stomach gave a Herculean lurch that I almost wish hadn’t remained contained.
It was weird. Just plain, damn weird. I would like to use the word surreal, but that doesn’t really apply here. It just happened, and then it was gone. Which brings me to my earlier point about hating. At least if I just hated the man, then I’d have that with which I would have to live. But I don’t. I’ve tried to hate. I’ve tried hard. But I can’t hold it. It just won’t fit.
I’ve forgiven him. It would be easier to live my life if I didn’t but I’ve already done that. Which leaves me with the question why. But at the end of the day I don’t even need to know that. When he was standing there in front of me, smiling that open, free from pretension smile, I couldn’t help but admit that I’d let go any animosity about what happened.
Which moves us to Friday. On this august occasion I would be attending my very first Blades game as a patron, and not an employee in the building.
It was just plain, damn weird.
If I had to make an analogy that would explain what it felt like, I think it would be something like this:
Imagine what it would be like to be a baboon that was born into captivity. Your whole life you were in the cage, knew the cage, and never imagined you would ever be free of that cage. Then one day, when you didn’t expect it, after years and years on the inside, you were taken by the hand, led outside the walls, then left on your own. Imagine the shock and the wonder of being outside the bars. Imagine the sense of loneliness of not having those bars are your friend. It was like they kept you from your desire now, when it was before that it was supposed to be inhibiting.
It would have been surreal, if I hadn’t known all along that it was the truth. It hard to pretend it’s a dream (nightmare) when you’ve already pinched yourself to be sure its true.
So I walked around the building in the middle of an intermission. Not because I had to take something somewhere, but because the event was paused and I needed something to do. It kind of felt forced too. Like we all wanted it to be fun, but our real hope was that somehow we’d be let passed the steel bike rack and back to our home.
The velvet robe (steel bike rack) seems to change everything. When you’re on the inside, its like you’re part of something. It breaks down walls that otherwise exist. It changes the landscape.
The Blades won 3-2. I watched the game and cheered, enjoying the experience. But at the same time my heart lamented for something that was lost. I won’t feel the same about Credit Union Center anymore. I won’t call it regret. The real feeling will be somewhere between a lament and a longing.
Good bye old friend. Though we’ll still see each other from time to time, the bitter sting of a divorce will forever taint my heart.
I feel a bunch of things. Which in and of itself is weird, because you’re not really supposed to notice yourself feeling things. It’s just supposed to be happen.
I could lie and say I knew it was coming. If I tried to do that, you’d see right through me like a white shirt in a wet t-shirt contest. I didn’t see it coming, although maybe I should have.
Tuesday opened my eyes. It is not a lie to say I thought about the moment when it would happen. Because it would have been foolish to think I could go through the rest of my life without it happening. That’s what I wanted though.
I set up my trade show booth on Tuesday, with my direct competitor across the aisle from me. That direct competitor being my former employer. To say I have conflicted feelings about my former employer would be an understatement in the highest regard. It is unlikely that I will resolve the struggle within me about how it came to pass that I went from there to here.
There is a part of me, a very large part of me in fact, that wishes I could just hate him. That would be the easy way to deal with my emotions. Just let it be a smoldering, unquenched fire that burns in my belly. At least if I knew that’s what I felt then I could make a peace with it. But that isn’t true, so I don’t get the comfort.
While I knew beforehand that my direct competitor was going to be across the aisle from me, I was not prepared for the reality of the man who was my former employer, standing within that opposing booth. I hadn’t steeled myself for that. So when I saw him walking towards me, from the massive glass wall that framed the end of the trade show floor, my stomach gave a Herculean lurch that I almost wish hadn’t remained contained.
It was weird. Just plain, damn weird. I would like to use the word surreal, but that doesn’t really apply here. It just happened, and then it was gone. Which brings me to my earlier point about hating. At least if I just hated the man, then I’d have that with which I would have to live. But I don’t. I’ve tried to hate. I’ve tried hard. But I can’t hold it. It just won’t fit.
I’ve forgiven him. It would be easier to live my life if I didn’t but I’ve already done that. Which leaves me with the question why. But at the end of the day I don’t even need to know that. When he was standing there in front of me, smiling that open, free from pretension smile, I couldn’t help but admit that I’d let go any animosity about what happened.
Which moves us to Friday. On this august occasion I would be attending my very first Blades game as a patron, and not an employee in the building.
It was just plain, damn weird.
If I had to make an analogy that would explain what it felt like, I think it would be something like this:
Imagine what it would be like to be a baboon that was born into captivity. Your whole life you were in the cage, knew the cage, and never imagined you would ever be free of that cage. Then one day, when you didn’t expect it, after years and years on the inside, you were taken by the hand, led outside the walls, then left on your own. Imagine the shock and the wonder of being outside the bars. Imagine the sense of loneliness of not having those bars are your friend. It was like they kept you from your desire now, when it was before that it was supposed to be inhibiting.
It would have been surreal, if I hadn’t known all along that it was the truth. It hard to pretend it’s a dream (nightmare) when you’ve already pinched yourself to be sure its true.
So I walked around the building in the middle of an intermission. Not because I had to take something somewhere, but because the event was paused and I needed something to do. It kind of felt forced too. Like we all wanted it to be fun, but our real hope was that somehow we’d be let passed the steel bike rack and back to our home.
The velvet robe (steel bike rack) seems to change everything. When you’re on the inside, its like you’re part of something. It breaks down walls that otherwise exist. It changes the landscape.
The Blades won 3-2. I watched the game and cheered, enjoying the experience. But at the same time my heart lamented for something that was lost. I won’t feel the same about Credit Union Center anymore. I won’t call it regret. The real feeling will be somewhere between a lament and a longing.
Good bye old friend. Though we’ll still see each other from time to time, the bitter sting of a divorce will forever taint my heart.