Merry Christmas!!!

Note to my readership:

Don't get a hamburger from the gas station.

I know its tempting to abandon the natural skepticism about gas station food, with the proliferation of Subway's that are set up in small town Esso's. Plus the Esso here in Watson has a restaurant and while its not cuisine, it doesn't make you barf.

However, the Quick Stop is closed today. WTF!?!?! It was open at 9:00 AM but closed for lunch. I don't support that. So I was running around town finishing errands and still hadn't eaten. So against better judgement, I got a two pack of cheeseburgers from the Co-op fridge.

Big mistake!

Burger one was okay. But by burger two I could feel the recoil happening already. I suspect a purge will become involved before afternoon ends.

If you need me, I'll be the guy in the corner, dry heaving.

I must hate myself.

Its the day before Christmas. (I guess you could call it Christmas Eve, even though its not evening yet) We are 'officially' closed, but I'm here at my desk in the office. There's no one else here. The phone is not ringing. And yet, as the hours tick by, I find more and more stuff that I should do before going home.

If you need me, I'll be the guy in the corner, banging his head against the wall.

Has anyone seen my penis?

I stepped out of the truck last night, when I arrived back in Watson. I'd spent the first three days of this week in Manitoba. I get out and its -31 C, with a vicious, biting wind.

I got home and my penis was missing. Anyone heard any rumors on where it went? I might need it again so I'm fairly keen on finding it.

Its that time of year again! Everyone submit their entry, guessing the dollar total contained in the 2004 tip jar!!!

Tips!

The contest will remain open until Christmas Eve. There will be fun and prizes for correct guesses!

I would like to invite everyone to meet the newest member of my sister Candace's family

Eddie

I often consider this my private little piece of the world, where I can rant and vent, about the things that irritate me. Or it can go in the other way, and be the place I go when I need to bare my soul. That is where I am right now. There's something inside me that I want to say. I don't know if I have the words for it, but I need to try.

I'm never going to get this, am I? The part that is supposed to be the easiest, will forever elude me.

I'm tired of trying.

I hate that I can pour my entire mental capacity, my enormous tolerance for pain, and an unbelievable amount of willpower into understanding this, and it won't yield to me.

This is my nemesis, the enemy I can not vanquish. It is the monster in my closet. I can run, I can hide, or stay and fight. It makes little difference. I am never going to win this battle.

I'm angry and I'm sad, all in the same moment. I despair and I scream my futility, but the situation remains the same.

I can't touch it.

For whatever reason, I simply can not make that critical connection that will let me grow. I remain stunted, somewhat less of a man, and a lot more of a child. While endearing and sweet, it is not the visage that will bring me to my goal.

I could live with this, if the pain would go away. If I didn't care, for a reason that remains beyond my ability to fathom. If that one, infuriating emotion would just cease its torment of me, I think I could relax.

I could be happy.

It seems my lot to be taunted by the monster. To have the venomous beast slither into my mind when I'm feeling contentment and pride at an accomplishment. There it comes, striking me like a vindictive lizard. And in my pride, and my arrogance, I let myself believe that the vastness of my potential, will now, finally, give me the answer I have for so long pursued.

There will be no answer for me.

How do you quit? The impulse will not just cease, because you ask it to. I've tried that and it is complete futility. In that last moment, where you stand over the beast, blood and gore dripping from yourself, and everything around you. Put your foot on the thing's neck, and exult at your victory. Only to have it snatched away, when once more, the thump of life beats under your shoe.

I hate this place.

I don't want to be here. I'm not used to failing. If I just try hard enough, I win. I am embued with so much that there is no challenge I can't best.

Except this one.

I'm weary. The fight continues, and it robs me of everything that the rest of life builds up within. I can win so many battles, and be crushed by a single failure.

Because I care.

The answer is that there is no answer. We all must try, and fail, then learn from our mistakes. And I do that and it still won't bring me salvation. I fail, and again, and again. Why can't my mind comprehend this, analyze it, and provide new direction? Why must I not progress?

In the end have I said anything? No, I don't think so. It is, and it will be, until the question disappears.

I remain . . .

Day Two of the week before Christmas. Home from work at 10:00 again. I apologize but this is all I have in me for a blog entry.

Toodles!

Can someone please explain to me why I keep buying so much stuff!?!

I got myself an XBox last week. It seemed like a good idea at the time. What needs to be mentioned at this point is, right now all of the XBox stuff is still in the box that it was shipped in. I haven't opened a single thing from it.

This is so typical. I buy stuff and then it just sits. I have no idea how many computer games I've purchased and either not played at all, or barely played. Let's do the list:

Rise Of Nations
Battlefield: Vietnam
Simcity 4
Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic

Now how about other computer related stuff:

Logitech racing wheel (third one I've owned)
Logitech flight stick (yup, still in the box)
LCD monitor (currently collecting dust in my office/closet
The Ripper (why did I think I needed a tower computer with no purpose beyond copying DVD's?)

At this point I would like to solicit some advice on how to not spend my money so foolishly. Can anyone suggest some strategies that might keep my money in my pocket more often?

Thank you and good night

Blog Cryptogram Of The Day

Ich veux Khan

The way I feel at this moment in time is exactly why I hate being here on a Sunday night.

Blog Question Of The Day:

Is blogging a weekday activity, for the majority of bloggers?

I was watching 'Josie and the Pussycats' yesterday, as I drove into Regina. As I did so, an interesting question came into my mind. Now I was driving at the time, so my ability to remember the thought was limited. I have yet to figure out a way, that I like and will use on a continual basis, to record my thoughts as I drive.

(Yes, I've thought of, and had suggested to me, the idea of a voice recorder. I think I sound like a tool whem my voice is recorded, so I have thus far resisted that idea)

Now I am watching 'Chasing Amy'. (thanks Sean!) An infinitely better movie, in my opinion, that yesterday's Josie. However, there is a discussion of Archie comics in 'Chasing Amy' and this has reminded me of last night's question.

Why did they make a 'Josie and the Pussycats' movie, instead of an Archie movie? Considering the creative bankrupcy that seems to exist in Hollywood in the last 10 years or so, is it not odd that no one has put an Archie movie on the screen yet?

Why isn't the enthusiasm of wanting something badly, enough to insure that you will eventually get it?

G&M Word Of The Day:

confidence

Blog Survey Of The Day:

MiniDV tapes for my camcorder cost approximately $7.00 a tape.
A full tape transferred to the computer requires approximately 20GB of storage.

Should I use the tapes for long term storage, instead of trying to save all the raw footage on hard drives?

Does anyone use the F11 key!?!

A Friday summary:

I love $100,000 purchase orders.

This headache of mine can take the next bus outta town. I've had enough of its company.

I'm the last person to be chiding other about 'getting excited' but I think there are some people in Manitoba that ought to chill out pretty soon. It'll get fixed, and the world won't end if that takes me a week or two.

And to close . . .

LET THE GAMING COMMENCE!!!!!

I'm watching Daredevil tonight. As I watch, an interesting question has come to my mind. Isn't it kind of a cruel irony that someone who is blind, and can't enjoy the vision of a beautiful woman, might end up with one and never know the exquisite joy of seeing her smile?

G&M (minus M) Word Of The Day:

imbroglio