I had perhaps one of the most annoying moments of my life this morning.

Earlier I told the story of how I went to the medical clinic and they gave me grief about how I didn't have a current health services card. If you look at your card you'll see there's a number on the back you can call, about updates to your information and getting a new card.

So I called the number.

This is how pathetic things have gotten with these phone-in procedures. They want you to call in but you don't even get an actual, live person. They make you leave a series of messages, based on pre-recorded questions.

What's your name, including correct spelling?

What is your address?

What is your home and work phone number?

After each question is a repetition of the same, three option menu. Do you want to hear the options again? Do you want to re-record your answer? Do you want to continue? The whole ordeal makes you feel like a trained circus seal. Which might not be so bad but it makes you feel like an autistic trained circus seal.

Saskatchewan Health should be shot, stabbed, pissed on, scraped up and deposited in a hole full of feces for foisting such an abomination on us. If I wanted to feel any more neglected, abused and taken for granted, I'd probably actually use the Saskatchewan health services system.

All around, I give the experience a fat ZERO.

Wednesday . . . both a blessing and a curse.

Blessing - I got the second half of my tax refund.

Curse - The almost endless patch for World of Warcraft.

I think the best part of being the controller in a company has to be handing out the pay stubs every two weeks. It must feel kinda like being Santa Claus.

If . . .

. . . you are playing World of Warcraft, and

If . . .

. . . you are questing at the north end of Felwood and

If . . .

. . . you are a Level 60 King Ding-a-Ling and

If . . .

. . . you are killing Deadwood furbolgs

Knock It Off Already!!! I'm trying to complete the damn quest!!!

Blog Question Of The Day:

Is it possible to buy a brand new IROC?

Things That Piss Me Off:

I haven't really teed off on anyone lately but I think the time has come.

I went to the medical clinic this afternoon. I've had these blood tests outstanding for quite some time and it occurred to me that if I went right after lunch, I could satisfy the condition of going 12-16 hours after my last ingestion of medication.

I go in there and she asks for my Saskatchewan Health Services card. I'm used to it because they ask for any card before they'll help you out these days. She looks at the card and says, "oh, your health services card has expired."

The only response I could muster to that was, "so?"

"Well, we're not supposed provide services when your card has expired."

Just take my blood already! God, christ, like I'm supposed to know my stupid health services card has expired. I haven't used the stupid thing in a year and a half! And I'm supposed to notice that the idiotic sticker has expired!?!

The health services card is the most idiotic implementation that has ever taken place in the history of the Saskatchewan government. The land of free health care and oh, now you have to show a card to get free services. But if you don't have a card, they don't really care! You still get free health care. So what's the point of the stupid card? Apparently its for the purpose of annoying me. And providing an opportunity for sanctimonious office staff to give me grief when I'm not really in the mood to be getting my blood taken in the first place.

P.S. Future Shop sucks goat balls. They advertise games for $19.99 and then don't have any of the games in question, in stock in the store.

You are never more annoyed than when you hit the 'Suspend' key, that is conveniently placed next to the 'Escape' key on your keyboard, and you screw up the really complicated drafting procedure you were enacting.

Well that was a game!

The Oilers made a liar out of me. When they lost their goalie in game one I figured they were done. When they went down 3-1 in the series I thought they were done. But they kept coming back.

Two teams showed up for a hockey game tonight. Both teams brought their best game. Tonight it was apparent that one teams best game was a lot better than the others.

Can someone tell me what the deal is with the parking lot on the north end of Confederation Park Mall? I tried to get into the mall from the north side this evening and the experience was nearly enough to make me homicidal.

First of all I couldn't hit the entrance to the stupid mall. They put the damn 'Welcome' sign between these two paved stretches. One in, one out, wouldn't you think? No, one's for the stupid buses. So I had to make a loop through the bus park and back onto the street.

Next I look for a place to park. The bloody lot is all twisted up into little clumps of parking spots. I drive up to the place that is near the door I want. I can see lots of spots available here. But can I get to them in a convenient manner? NO! The only place into this clump is well back from the door so I have to drive past the place I want to be, turn around in a full part of the lot (again a clump of parking spots) and go back to the entry.

Then, when I'm leaving the lot I have to stop for a STOP sign. But the sign is about a hundred feet back from the actual intersection. So I go through my stop sign, and get to the intersection, and this guy coming from the other direction thinks I'm trying to cut him off.

Once again the Confederation Park Mall proves to be an unholy blight on this city. I'd tell you to write your councillor about it but we all know that no one in Saskatoon cares about Confederation Park Mall.

The funniest thing happened on the golf course today.

We were waiting on the 18th tee box at Moon Lake. I should clarify this by saying we were playing the Moors as our back nine, since they have 27 golf holes at Moon Lake. The ninth hole of the Moors set has as its final hole, a par 5 that goes along the shore of the actual Moon Lake.

There was a backlog of people waiting to tee off so we had time to kill at the tee box. Since we were at the lakes edge, a couple of the guys thought they'd spend the time practicing their drives. To accomplish this they were hitting range balls they had in their bags, into the lake. The goal of their efforts was to drive one all the way across the lake to the shore on the other side.

To end the suspense I'll tell you that no one was able to make it across the lake. Based on the success of the others, I suspect I might have been able to. I do not, however, have any excess balls in my golf bag that I was willing to sacrifice to the attempt.

With his last spare ball, one guy teed up and reared back for a titantic swing at his golf ball. He intended to really tie into this ball. It was, however, not a great day for golf today. It rained all day, and everything was slick and wet. The guy followed through on his attempt but the slippery situation caught up to him. His driver tomahawked out of his grip and went flying through the air. Like a boomerang it whuw-whuw-whuw-ed through the hair, before splashing down into the lake about 10 yards out.

Its not nice to laugh but damn was that funny!

Well, that was an exciting game!

I do, however, think the Oilers gave that one away. My opinion was that after two periods they had it all but wrapped up. A good solid effort in the third effort and they lead the Stanley Cup series by one game.

They didn't put in a solid effort.

But to their credit, they made a comeback. And the tying goal was spectacular. I recall using an expletive when I saw it.

But disaster struck. Not once but twice.

I mean no disrespect to the Oilers. I really hope they can prevail in this Stanley Cup series. However, based on what Coach McTavish said in the press conference, I think the safe money is on Carolina.

One of the keys to understanding me is found in the following song:

Pixies - Wave Of Mutilation (UK Surf)

Things That Piss Me Off:

Do you know what I hate? Websites that proport to have a 'picture of the day' but then the picture never changes. Or, it changes once a month, thus negating the concept of the 'picture of the day'. Or even more infuriating, at least for me because I still check the damn site every day, the 'picture of the day' is a revolving series of just 5 pictures. So, while the picture does change from day to day, if you've seen the whole series, there's not a hell of a lot to be gained by checking anymore.

And yet, like the eternal optimist, I still look, just in case they've decided to stop pissing me off. It hasn't happened yet.

Don't eat radishes.

Things That Piss Me Off:

Traffic in Saskatoon sucks. I had to go somewhere this afternoon. From Delco, in the north end, to the university, which is more or less in the center of the city. There is no reason this should take any more than 10 or at worse 15 minutes. I gave myself half an hour. Can you believe it wasn't enough!?!

If you refuse to invest in an air conditioner, why don't you try this:

Cheap air conditioning!!

My new favorite golfer is:

Virada Nirapathpongporn

Things That Piss Me Off:

Do you know what pisses me off? People can be so damn stupid in the name of speed.

I'm working at this rock concert tonight. There's two items that are served: draft beer and bottled vodka coolers. Now draft beer is easy. Open the tap and pour the beer into a glass. You can't do that any other way but fast. But coolers are another thing. Having to open the bottle and then pour the liquid into a glass takes some time. Certainly longer than pouring a draft beer. And its more cumbersome because there are multiple steps.

Now the first problem with this is, most girls are wimps. Not all of them mind you, but a healthy majority of them don't like to twist the cap off. Its not a purely female thing either, as there's a minority of guys that are children about protecting their hands from the slight burn of twisting off bottle caps. So they have to resort to a bottle opener. This adds a further complication to an already labor intensive activity.

This is where it gets stupid. And its not just the bottle opener people, but they are the worst culprits of this. They go to open the bottle and they just let the cap fly wherever. I have a problem with this. First of all, you wouldn't do this in your own house. How many people, especially girls, would let the table or the floor become littered with bottle caps? Why is this then okay to do in a public space? Second of all, how much time are you really saving by not catching the cap and throwing it in the garbage? I mean really! Eventually you have to pick up all the bottle caps. And the haphazard manner in which you let them fly means you end up having to grovel on the floor to get a lot of them. WOuldn't it be more expedient to use the half a damn second it takes to catch the cap and throw it away when you open the bottle!?!

I have to tell you this story. I have to tell you this story because its just so . . . damn . . . sad.

I bought an air conditioner last spring. It was a big 10,000 BTU bastard, complete with a remote. It was going to make my house frigid. But just about the same time I got this great idea I should buy a house, and stop paying rent all the time. Which seemed like a good idea at the time but has since proven to be untrue. But I digress . . .

So now its a year later and I don't want it anymore. I have no house to install it in, and when I do buy a house, its damn well going to have central air conditioning, because I don't do this, swelter for the character of it thing. I've got lots enough character from all the other burdens I carry. But I digress . . .

What to do with the air conditioner? Well, I bought it at Wal-Mart. Let's see if I can return it. So we drive off to Wal-Mart to see if they'll take it back.

Not being stupid, I go up to customer service with my reciept first, because I'm not carrying this heavy bastard into the store, only to find out they won't take it back. That would be stupid. So we enter into negotiations with the well meaning, but otherwise inept girl at the customer service desk. I know they try but they've obviously been imbued with NO authority, so it makes you wonder why they have to man the counter that needs a decision to be made, in almost all cases. But I digress. . .

It took calling some managers but they concede that yes, if everything is on the level, they can probably take it back and refund my money. Oh goodie! So I go get the air conditioner from the truck and haul it in to be inspected. One of the stipulations was that it had to be as I said, unopened and unused.

This is where it gets stupid.

To verify that the air conditioner is unused, they have to open the crate. Keep in mind that the box is obviously untainted from when I picked it up in the store. The original tape remains on the seams. The UPC sticker is still in place. The damn thing is virgin. But her manager has told this girl that she is supposed to open the box and make sure everything is intact.

So she does.

What does she find in the box? Manual is still its plastic sheath. The remote still has the plastic sticker on the buttons. The free batteries for the remote are still shrink-wrapped. The styrofoam packing has not been disturbed and clings tenaciously to the air conditioner itself. After much discussion with another, equally clueless Wal-Mart employee, they agree that they have to take the actual air conditioner OUT of the box to inspect it. Keep in mind that everything up to this point has been absolutely VIRGIN in the box. So these two girls struggle and fuss, because this unit has never been out of the box and is stuck to the tightly packed styrofoam. So finally its out and they set it on the counter.

We're not done yet.

Having gone through that entire ordeal, they now concur that to follow their managers orders, they need to get a second air conditioner off the shelf, open it, and verify that everything in the box off the shelf, is identical to what they've just opened in the box I brought in. So the entire ordeal is repeated a SECOND time, complete with fussing with styrofoam, and two woman trying to manhandle a very heavy, unwieldy electrical device.

Conclusion? The two air conditioners are identical. I get my refund.

So what was accomplished? As I see it, only one purpose was truly served by this idiotic procession. Some $9.00 a hour Wal-Mart night manager has proceeded to make damaged stock out of what were otherwise completely factory perfect air conditioner packages. All this Captain Wizard would have needed to do was wheel my box out onto the floor and put it next to the other air conditioners. The next time it was 30 C it would have disappeared from the shelf with no one the wiser for its 1 year vacation in Watson.

I have given a name to my pain.

It is . . .

polka