Now here's what I don't understand. This is not a new issue. I have never quite been able to figure this question out. And the more I try, the less sense it makes.

I'm talking about modern dance. This morning I'm sitting on the couch watching - Britney Spears: Live From Miami. Frankly, Britney has lost much of her appeal. When she was fresh, and had that veneer of playfully innocent naivete, it was nearly impossible for the ordinary male to resist her. Well, that veneer was not so much polished off, as it was aggressively scrubbed away by the seediness of a girl who's excesses were never reined in. She's something of a skank now, and if a guy wants skank, there are far more gratuitious examples that will serve better than Britney's act.

Nonetheless, that is not my commentary for today. What has drawn my ire today is the concept of modern dance. What the hell are these people doing? I know its choreography, and someone has taken the time to plan all of this. My question is, if its supposed to make sense, then why the hell doesn't it make sense!?!

I'm watching these dancers do what they do. There does not appear, at least to my untrained eye, a cohesive purpose to all the stupid gyrations. Here's an example:

Woman begins as a tightly bunched ball, kneeling on the floor. The dancer stands up, and extends her arm above her head. She doeses a 360 degree turn, bringing her hand from above her head, down around her waist, in a fluid motion. She takes a couple of steps, not walking, but some kind of attempt at fluid and grace. Upon concluding her descent, she stretches her leg over her head, and then twirls down to kneel on the floor.

What the hell does all that mean? I can at least fake an understanding of most of the fine arts. Opera, which I don't like, I can at least appreciate what the attempt is. Dance, a la the Rockettes, I can appreciate, for the synchronicity of the multiple dancers. The various forms of instrumental music, not all of which appeal to my ears, I can at least appreciate as an art form. But this ridiculous collection of random gyrations they call 'dance' completely leaves me mystified.

I think the thing that baffles me the most is all the arm waving, and gymnastic contortions of the body. Is this an athletic endeavour or an art form? Gymnastics I get. I won't agree with the judging of competitive gymnastics, but I can appreciate the athletic endeavour that is gymnastics. What I question is the 'art' of gymnastics, or by extension when these gymnastic motions are called, artistic dance.

If someone out there can put all of this in terms that I can understand, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks, I'm out!!!