I think I've figured out why babies are so irritating.

I was sitting in Pizza Hut this afternoon, waiting for my P'zone for lunch. Getting one was my brilliant idea that I came up with, as I was on my way to Subway. That's not part of the story. I'm waiting in the Pizza Hut and this baby is just WAILING, like someone was beating it like a screen door. The worst, more incisive howl you'll ever hear.

Then I had an epiphany.

Babies are irritating because they just make noise. When a baby screams like that, they don't say anything useful. You can't glean a distinguishable cause of the crying. They just bawl. It is possible to figure out what is making them cry, if you analyze the surroundings, or witness the babies actions. But I, sitting around the wall and down a hall from this screeching bag of flesh, had no ability to discern the reason, and therefore remedy the problem. And I dearly wanted to, because the noise was giving me a severe pain. Throttling the child was given serious consideration.

So where does that leave us? I think we have to outlaw babies in public. If kept in a closed, well supervised area, babies are less likely to meet incidental hazards. Less hazards means a reduced potential for causing howls. And less howling bags of flesh will improve the quality of life for all of us that know how to speak a civilized tongue.

Who is with me on banning babies in public? Show of hands?