I went to the Fringe Festival. In Winnipeg. How's that for expanding your horizons!?

I had a good time. It was entertaining and I came in out of the heat feeling like I'd spent my evening in a more socially worthwhile way than sitting in a hotel room, watching the same stupid crap on cable.

However, that being said, as I was riding through some unrecognized part of Winnipeg (thank god they didn't kick me out of the car because I'd have surely gotten shanked) I couldn't get the following thought out of my brain.

"The Fringe is a lot like the SJHL. They'll still let you play, you might even look good, but you're never making it to 'The Show'."

Can we stop with the 'Hairspray' commercials already? We get it already. You, the collective PR machine, think we should go see this acclaimed movie. Its clear that what we actually want doesn't matter. You're going to club us over the head until its the number one movie in the land.

But guess what? We don't want to see 'Hairspray'! John Travolta in a dress does not appeal to us! This has been done, better, the first time around when the original director released this movie. And it was not such a classic story that it needed a re-telling this soon.

So knock it off already. You want us to see 'Hairspray'. We're going to make up our minds on our own. I don't need to see two commercials for it, every time there's a break in the action of ANY TV show I might be watching.

I want to make a Rogers wireless commercial. I see the stupid ads whenever I watch sports. Its aggravating the hell out of me.

A beautiful woman is sitting on a bench, waiting for her ride. Offscreen on the right a dorky looking guy in glasses, an untucked shirt with a ruppled sweater over it, and a ratty backpack on his back sits down. The Dork looks left at the woman. She acknowledges his gaze but goes back to her Blackberry. He keeps sneaking glances at her. She ignores them.

After several seconds, and several furtive glances, the Dork speaks. He says 'I was thinking about getting one of those."

The Hot Woman looks up from her Blackberry, sizes the guy up for half a second and says "I wouldn't. You're too much of a loser."

Immediate cut to the Rogers wireless logo screen.

Blog Poll Of The Day:

(This is a serious one. I'd actually like some responses.)

What do you find the most interesting in a web site? What would make you the most likely to visit one multiple times?

We are entering a brave, new world. KY is now advertising on television.

Things That Piss Me Off:

When you faithfully read a blog, but the writer is so devoid of any kind of original idea that they post a instant message conversation they had with someone, that was equally if not more lame than posting nothing at all.

Who is listening to this crap!?!

I'm watching Punch Much again. (Okay, I know. I'm the cause of my own misery by doing this. But I checked every other channel and there was nothing worth watching anywhere. This was the least of evils.) I just suffered through one of the most excruciating 3.5 minutes of my life. It was called Young Folks by Bjorn and his Bum Buddies, or something equally vapid and puerile. Who voted for this dreck? I mean, gawd! It was awful. Claws on a chalkboard couldn't be more excruciating than this pathetic excuse for music. And PunchMuch is the channel where you have to vote a song into getting played. Someone voted for this? More than one person voted for this? Granted, I have documented proof that they manipulate the rankings to play certain songs. Still, I can't for the life of me understand why they'd go out of their way to get this turd into rotation.

Young Folks: Peter Bjorn & John - avoid it at all costs

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why are web site subscription fees so expensive?

I went to the Transformers movie last night. Good show, if you're asking for my opinion. Lots of action and very entertaining. Probably a little too heavy on GM product placement but I'll forgive that because the Camaro looked cool.

But what's the deal with Galaxy theatres? They have 12 theatres playing all the summer blockbusters, including the Transformers and Harry Potter. They have 12 theatres but 4 concession staff. How does that add up?

The whole staff minimalization thing is grossly apparent at that theatre. It starts when you walk through the door and there are more self serve kiosks for securing your movie ticket than there are live humans that can sell you admittance. That's pretty weak, if you're asking my opinion.

But what really frosts my tomatoes is the food service problem they have at that facility. I would like to throttle the architect that designed the concave counter design for the food service aisles. Not unpredictably you get all the lines converging at the center of a circle to the point that no one knows which line to get into because the whole thing is a giant cluster-bomb.

That really is the least of your worries though. You might as well just take a seat at very quaint arcade games in the corner and reconcile yourself with the fact that you're gonna miss the opening of your movie. There is no way those 4 sixteen year old are going to be able to process even a minor factor of the sum of people milling about in general confusion in the circle design in the floor.

Greg and I had nothing left to do last night so, failing a better plan we just went to the theatre early. We got out tickets at 6:15 for a 6:45 show. The path through the ticket line was quick and painless. See the above to explain why the rest wasn't. When we finally got to the front of the line, and got our very modest wares (two Cokes, a popcorn and some twizzlers) we had just enough time to walk to the theatre, and walk in during the opening previews. How bloody pathetic is it that 30 minutes is not enough time to get your damn snacks?

Otrivin is the single greatest invention ever produced by the pharmaceutical industry.

I can honestly say that Sean Kingston doesn't look anything like I thought he would.

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why is it that when you have a cold, it only seems that one side of your nose is stuffed up at a time?

Things That Piss Me Off

People that don't know when to quit drinking.

If its Tuesday night . . .

And you go to a rock concert at the local arena . . .

You get there at about 6:30 . . .

And you immediately head for the bar . . .

At which point you order a double . . .

And insist that you should get one, despite the rules against it . . .

Then YOU are an alcoholic.

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why is it that every woman in popular music has a sequence in her music video that looks like it came straight out of the Spearmint Rhino?

Dear TSN:

Please do not assign Rod Black to CFL football games. He doesn't just suck at the job of play-by-play announcement. His lack of skill transcends the description of sucking. Rod Black's ineptitude in this function approaches epic status.

Milt Stegall is one touchdown away from setting a new record for touchdowns scored in a career. Okay, we get it. So shut up already!! Having to listen to it, over and over again, just drives me into a rage that can only be described as psychotic. I want to kill something, anything just to make the constant phrase 'Milt Stegall' disappear from my brain. Its this incessant, pounding refrain of 'Milt Stegall, Milt Stegall, Milt Stegall'. The repetition assualts your senses with deliberate maliciousness until you are tearing at your scalp trying to make the voices stop.

So please, if you have any concern for the fans of the CFL that are watching your telecast, you will not assign Rod Black to the game. Because once Milt reaches his record, and he will reach it eventually, Rod will find some other inane statistic in the game on which to obsess. Which will bring back the voices to reverberate in our minds. And well adjusted or not, we will be turned into slobbering, monotonous oafs, constantly shouting 'Milt Stegall' or some other short, easily remembered catch phrase.

In closing I would like to again ask you, the brain-trust of TSN, to please not assign Rod Black to any more football games. Me, my fragile psyche, and the hundreds of thousands of other afflicted CFL fans would thank you.

Regards,

CFL Fan #11105

Blog Song Of The Day:

My Chemical Romance - Teenagers

"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air."

Blog Question Of The Day:

When Superman gets shot, why doesn't he at least end up with a hole in his costume?

I have just finished watching my third CFL game of the season. The Riders beat Montreal 16-7. It was a largely boring game but the outcome was nice. I would like to make an observation about one of the new rules in the CFL.

There needs to be a concept of discretion in the application of any rule that's in the book. Because there was a situation that was absolutely ridiculous in tonight's game. A Saskatchewan Roughrider struggled through the line and ended up on the ground at the Montreal quarterback's feet. Calvillo proceeded to trip over the Rider. This was considered, tackling below the knees, and amounted to a 15 yard roughing the pass penalty.

Come on! This is just stupid. I agree, we should protect the quarterback. And if someone submarines the passer when he's trying to throw, that should be a penalty. But when a guy is lying on the ground and grabs the quarterback's foot, that's not a penalty. Football is a rough game, and sometimes people get hurt. Quarterback's are exposed, and I agree that they need protection. But no defensive guy is going to catastrophically injure a quarterback by trying to bring him down while lying on his belly.

That's my three nickels worth of opinion.