You know who Miley Cyrus reminds me of, when she's speaking unscripted?

Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain.

This is quite possibly the greatest SAVE in the history of music:

Friday

Today . . . I let an ant live.

I haven't written in her in awhile. its not that I didn't have anything to say. There's always a ton of little things that come up in life, but I just never get motivated by them enough to write about it when I get home. Maybe I'm just becoming jaded like everyone else.

But I have two examples from this morning. And surprisingly, I am motivated to write.

Are people becoming more stupid? It seems to me like this might be true. I was only out for an hour but the cluelessness of people absolutely stunned me.

I'm in McDonalds to get breakfast. I like McDonalds breakfast . . . sue me. There are three clerks. Therefore there should be three lines, right? Well there was, until these two braying cows wandered right through the whole process, set it down roughly in the middle and proceeded to make base camp. They're wandering around in circles, wondering what to order, where their kids are, what table they should sit at, all the while completely screwing up the lines and turning the whole situation into a disaster. its times like that my eyes just go dark because I feel like smacking someone.

Then I'm coming home and I have to make a left turn onto Warman Road from 51st Street. This intersection has temporarily become famous because as you no doubt know by now, a plane crashed there last night. (Friday April 1) Its all well and fine for you looky-loos to drive through this intersection or stop at the Extra Foods to look at the plane. But this is my neighbourhood. I live here. Just one street north of the accident is the one I live on. So I HAVE to take this intersection.

As you'd guess, there's about a hundred jackalopes just milling around, looking at the airplane. I really don't care about that part. There's a semi-large plane crashed on the side of the road. Its interesting. What PISSES ME OFF is that I'm trying to make a left turn here, which is a pretty treacherous endeavour, as witnessed by the red light cameras they installed a couple of years ago. So I'm trying to make a left on a yellow line, and this RETARD decides that he needs to get a better look at the plane, and he makes a swooping right, right in front of the red Dodge pickup in front of me that is leading the left turn procession. So now its a full red, and Captain Ass Goblin is STILL making is wide right, because he's looking at the god damn plane instead of driving. So the whole intersection is tied up while this putrid pit stain satisfies his curiousity.

Its times like these I remember a quote from a good friend:

"Do you ever have one of those days when you just feel like mowing down the whole crowd?"

Going to the grocery store can be so amusing.

I needed a few things. I wasn't going to die without them or anything but its on my way home so I stopped at Extra Foods.

I thought, I'll buy 500 mL of milk, since I only use it for cereal and I'm only having that two more times this week. Why waste it by getting too much and having it spoil.

I stop at the milk aisle and start surveying the milk to find the one I want. I don't normally pay much attention to the expiry date on milk. I just grab one and go. But I was scrutinizing it closely because I didn't want to intend to get milk, and end up with cream. Since all the cartons were the same size.

The date on the milk, all of the 500 mL milk, was MAR 7. I thought to myself, wasn't that yesterday?

Yup, today's March 8th.

This fairly competently describes my attempts at dating:

Fish

Blog Question Of The Day:

Why is it that in movies and TV, the guy can be about three days unshaven and it looks all cool and edgy, but if a regular guy (like me) does that, I just look like a hobo?

I am impressed by a girl that can use the word 'transcendence' in a sentence.

Update from the world of the lonely:

I changed my dating site profile last night. (Let's all scrap the spirited discussion of whether dating sites are worthwhile, dangerous or outright stupid. We all have our opinions, and I agree with them all (most)) The situation is the way it is, not without trying the more traditional way that didn't work.

I wrote what I thought was a pretty honest, to the point without being abrupt blurb about who I was, and what i wasn't interested in/looking for. The key was to go with honesty. Even if it came out a tad more rough than if I'd paid a speech writer to pretty it up for me.

Count in so far?

Any guesses??

Its two actually. Which greatly trumps the zero I was getting with the old text.

Next step - I need better photos. This has been a Facebook complaint of mine as well. I always seem to be the guy taking the picture, not the guy who's in the picture. Plus I tend to have this appearance on my face like I just had a three-digit rectal exam, and that's a hard sell to use for attracting a lady. Anyone have any 'quote' nice pictures of me they could share?

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Blog Dating Question Of The Day:

Are you allowed to pick up clerks in London Drugs or is that considered impolite?

Blog Question Of The Day:

Should I buy a blue hockey helmet?

Memo

TO: Drake
FROM: Grant

The square root of 69 is actually 8.30662386291807

Blog Question Of The Day:

Do they count crack whores when they do a census?

I have a new theme song. I think it accurately sums up my current situation.

Matthew Good - Haven't Slept In Years

I don't want to take what you can give
I would rather starve than eat your breast
All the things that others want for me
Can't buy what I want because it's free

I ain't s'posed to be just fun
Oh, to live and die, let it be done.
I figure I'll be damned - all alone like I began

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone

And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone

You dont know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone

I love the Chinese!

My hot tub went down at the beginning of December. I had a power outage and when I tried to re-start it when I got home, I found that it wasn't moving water into the tub during heating. Eventually I disassembled the control unit (after getting GREAT instructions from this nice lady from China) and found out the circulating pump wasn't spinning the impellor. I turned it on, and watched the rotor and nothing was spinning.

Result? I needed a new circulator motor.

The lady from China referred me to a 'US Parts Super Store' What a waste of god damn time that was. They had no replacement parts for what i wanted. From them, my only option was to buy a WHOLE NEW control unit, basically replacing the whole damn hot tub.

I finally got someone from work to unhook the existing pump/heater unit from the control module just before Christmas. (Thanks Tom) I took it to some hot tub dealers here in Saskatoon to find someone that could sell me a replacement circulator pump. They basically treated me like I'd just asked for a plutonium core for a restricted weapon and would sure like it if I left their store as quickly as possible. It was extremely frustrating.

So I went back to my contact at Mspa, back in good ol' China. I explained what I'd been through, and asked if they could sell me one straight from the factory. Only a few hours later she gets back to me, says she'll look into it. Not another hour after that she sends me another email saying that she may have one for me, IN CANADA!

Emailing the woman in China was at least 17x more useful than talking to live people in Saskatchewan. I love the Chinese!!

Girls of the world!

Please try wearing more yellow. In most of the examples I've seen lately, it looks fabulous!!