So I go to Subway last night.

Its quarter to 11:00 on a Wednesday night. I'm driving down 51st Street, looking for somewhere to eat. Everything is closed!! Taco Time, Quizno's, Mr. Sub. Everything is dark and shuttered.

I planned to go to Subway anyway. I like Subway. I wanted a sweet onion chicken teriyaki.

I get there, and the guy making the subs is functionally retarded. No, he's not all twitchy or anything, but one of the droolers would probably have been more capable at the job that this mouth breather. And it isn't helping any that the people ahead of me are little more than retarded themselves. A couple who looked to be 20. God I hate people that can't make up their mind about what to order. The dumb girl changed her mine THREE times about what she wanted. And bitched about the lack of sauces.

Subway was OUT of mayo. How do you run out of that!?! It goes on bloody near every sandwich that goes out. Its just one of those things you have to have in stock. They were also out of Italian sauce but that's less popular than mayo.

It took at least 10 minute for Winky the Wonder Worn to do two six inch subs. His only slightly more literate companion also came in as i was in line, and the two sad sacks talked about inconsequentials that mean little more than I wouldn't get my sub until midnight.

I get to order my sub. They have no chicken. NO CHICKEN!?!?! By this time I'm so pissed off I just want out of there. I order a monterey steak and cheese. They are out of the cheddar cheese. OUT OF CHEESE!?!?!?! My GOD does this store have anything!?! Fine, I get it with monterey cheese anyway, but I've given up all hope that this guy will be able to complete my order in a timely enough fashion. My only hope for salvation in this situation is that he's not sufficiently bright to operate the credit card machine and thus my sub will be free. He followed all the right steps but we'll see if it shows up on my monthly bill.

Suffice it to say, it was NOT a stellar Subway experience. I may not revisit that location again. If you're 30, and can't get a better job than late night Subway, maybe you should eat a bullet.