I have seen the future of my obsession and it is Blanka Vlašić.

Blanka Vlašić

Does anyone want to trade me a regular, Canadian 20 dollar bill for this American one I don't want?

MEMO

TO: Jim Van Horne and broadcast partner
FROM: TELK

Please do not repeat, over and over until its nauseating to hear, that the pitcher's name is:

Lauren Bay Regula
Lauren Bay

Its infuriating to the nth degree to hear this so many times when its utterly pointless. Unless her Mom calls her Lauren-Bay, I seriously doubt we need to.

Blog Observation Of The Day:

How embarassing would it be to compete for one of the fringe nations at the Olympics, somehow pull off winning a gold medal, only to stand on the podium and have you national anthem be a disco song?

Blog Olympics Question Of The Day:

How does someone find the strength to sprint to the finish line after running 26 miles!?!

Blog Question Of The Day:

When you become a gymnast, and first take up the sport, how do you learn how to do the difficult vaults without piling into something and killing yourself?

What's with all the spam on MSN lately? I'm just sitting here minding my own business, and suddenly girls with obviously fake Hotmail addresses (maybe obviously fake girls?) are messaging me, offering to send me pics, chat with me, or (maybe) do something naughty on a webcam.

First of all, why would this approach to marketing work? Is it random? Are there 12 year old girls getting the same messages as me? If so, how many of them want to see naked pics of Millicent?

Second of all, STOP MESSAGING ME!!! I know how to find pictures of girls on the internet. I don't need you to send me any. Besides, the pictures you'd be sending aren't of the person on the other side of the chat window. Everyone lies on the internet. I know the hot, redhead coming down the runway isn't the person on the other side of the text. I'm pretty sure I'm chatting with an over-weight, bad complexion, balding 36-year old man from the Ukraine, earning 14 rubles a day, trying to convince stupid, horny men North American men to give them their credit card number.

Watch this video. The pay-off is hilarious!

The Babysitter

Once again I have been betrayed by Windows Vista:

"You cannot use Remote Desktop Connection to connect to computers running Windows Vista Starter, Windows Vista Home Basic, Windows Vista Home Basic N, or Windows Vista Home Premium. You can, however, connect from those editions of Windows Vista to computers running other versions of Windows."

What It Means To Be An Engineer

I need the answer to a question. I need the answer because I studied this all night and I couldn't figure it out.

What the hell is wrong with some people that they think its perfectly okay to come up to the side of the bar, and demand that they get service? When did that turn into a good idea?

We had a more 'temporary' bar location tonight. As such, it wasn't as well delineated and barricaded like our normal station is. Hence, people seemed to think this gave them free reign to just wander up and order from wherever they pleased. I looked up at one point and this stupid bitch was basically behind the bar, standing right beside the girl she was demanding a drink from. If I wasn't so far behind on pouring Kokanee, I might have gone over and taken a swipe at this witless cow.

One more example of the decline of modern civilization:

Blog Question Of The Day:

If you were guaranteed that you would be taken care of financially, for the rest of your life, would you be willing to have one gay experience?

So what is the deal with having your keys on a string?

Everywhere I go lately, everyone has their keys on a string. Or a lanyard, or whatever the hell you want to call the concept which, when boiled right down to its essence, is a string.

I don't get this at all. Why is this suddenly a freakin' status symbol? You drive down the street and you see a group of three or four kids, invariably in pants that don't fit, and a hat on sideways. I could do a whole rant on how god damn stupid these idiots look but that's for another day. This isn't downtown Detroit, and you aren't a hoodlum. You're stupid ass-hat in upper-middle class Saskatoon. Act your proper station in life.

Back to my point.

You see this group of three or four idiots walking down the street, and almost without variation, there's a damn string hanging out of their pocket. One of these miscreants will be fumbling with theirs and you realize its their keys. They've all go the string from their keys hanging out of their pocket!

Please, someone, explain to me why this is a good idea. Why is it that you have the keys that secure all of your valuable property on a god damn string hanging out of your pocket such that anyone that wanted to, really, could grab it from your pocket and you'd never catch them. You'd never catch them because you're damn pants are hanging down to your bloody knees and you can't get a proper running gait going.

And who else is sick and tired of hearing about Brent Hayden!?!

I hate the voice of the guy who is doing the radio ads for Labatt's where they are promoting 18 can packs of Labatt Lite and Labatt Blue.

Who's with me?

Is the hole in the middle of a donut there because they tried to cut out all the calories?

Blog Poll Of The Day:

Should I build a sauna in my basement?

"Can I have two double rye's, and a Pil?"

"No. We can't serve doubles, and you're only allowed two drinks per person. Plus we don't have Pil."

"Why can't I have a double?"

"You just can't. Its in the liquor license."

"That's stupid."

"Sorry. I don't make the rules."

"Okay, then give me two singles, with very little pop."

"I have to fill the glass up. It has to be a mixed drink."

"That's stupid."

"Sorry."

"Why does it have to be a mixed drink?"

"Like I said, its in the liquor license."

"That's stupid. So I really can't have a double?"

-- pause --

"NO!!! You can't have a fucking double!!! I've said that like six fucking times already! Who the fuck do you think you are anyway!?! Its a god damn rule! I'm not personally singling you out for persecution, you idiot! The last guy couldn't have a god damn double rye, and the next person to ask ain't gonna get one either. And no, it doesn't help if you ask for a double vodka, or a double rum either. No doubles!!! That's the god damn rule! Now why do I gotta keep standing here as your feeble fucking brain looks for the bloody loophole that isn't fucking there!?! What are you? Fucking retarded!?!"

And one more for the record . . .

Black nail polish does not look good.

At all.

Ever.

From any sort of perspective, it looks stupid and ridiculous. If you're thinking about doing this, just don't. Its a bad idea.