Saturday, June 02, 2007

I have a few comments about air travel.

Air Canada sucks. They suck! I can't believe how bad the quality is on an Air Canada service.
- They are almost always delayed. A perfect example is yesterday. Why are you booking a crew from an international flight as the next crew on a domestic flight? They have to clear customs. Idiots.
- The flights are uncomfortable. I couldn't believe how cramped the plane was to Calgary from Saskatoon. It was absurd. Then we fly a Dash 8 from Toronto to Milwaukee, a flight that became almost two hours long because of the reduced speed. Horrible.
- How can they allow for planes to leave from that shanty town that housed their regional flights from Toronto? That was pathetic. You're at the Toronto airport and the flights leave out of what looks like second-rate construction trailers. They should be ashamed of themselves.
- The pee cups you get for a 'complimentary' beverage are also embarassing. Its uncomfortable in there, with 100 people and recycled air, and all you offer me is a urine sample size of Coke?
About the only thing I felt Air Canada did right on their flights was the complimentary snack. They have upgraded to Oreo's. That was appreciated.

I have a question. I sat in the Toronto airport yesterday and watched three flights exit from my gate before it was my turn. How do they set flight numbers? Some have three digits, some have four. It all seems random. Is there a system? Do the numbers mean something?

You're in an airport. You're not at the beach. Wear some real shoes. Those god-damn flip-flops look ridiculous.

Why is it that, when faced with the prospect of boarding a plane, that people lose the ability to follow directions? They announce boarding by row. Only board according to row! This is not a hard concept! The whole POINT of it is to minimized the pissing around that happens on a plane when people board. People have to hydraulically lift their steamer trunk sized carry-on luggage into the overheard compartment. And every god damn person has to do this. If you follow the god-damn directions, then the people that are supposed to be at the back, can get to the back, and only piss off their fellow travellers at the back. When you don't follow directions, some ASSHOLE in row 5 gets on, and has to lever his freezer box carry-on into the overhead compartment. Meanwhile every other passenger on the plane is stuck behind this jack-ass, who's inevitably senile, or demented and can't figure out why it won't go into the compartment. So they fruitlessly jam on it while everyone behind him steams enough to melt the windows on the plane.

Back to Air Canada for a minute, although I suspect this is true for any large airline. Why can't you book your crew assignments so that its quick and convenient for the crew to make their departure? We, as travellers, are told to arrive 1 hour ahead of our flight time. And the crew jets in from Boston with 15 minutes to spare before they are supposed to get on the plane to Calgary. What the hell is that all about? The least you could do is make sure the flight is arriving into the same terminal they are supposed to depart from.

Why aren't there more clocks in the airport? I don't understand this at all. The whole place runs on an incredibly complex and tight schedule, and if your watch dies, you have no idea what the hell is going on. Or, and this is more common, you get off a long flight, in which you slept for part or all of it, and you're completely disoriented. You stumble out into the terminal and you need to know how long you have until you make your connecting flight. And there's no damn clock anywhere! I hate that. And this is even worse, you find a clock and its clearly the wrong time. I found that in Toronto. It was mid-afternoon and the clock said 10:45. Note to airports - get more clocks.

I have another complaint about the shanty town out at the back end of the Toronto airport. I thought it was called Terminal 1 but then yesterday the REAL terminal I was in was calling itself Terminal 1 so really I have no idea what that embarassment out in the weeds is really called. It doesn't matter, other than to again say that they should be ashamed of themselves. Moreso when you discover what they do to you.
I come off a regular flight from Calgary that disembarks into the real terminal. I follow all the signs, do the customs thing, including that STUPID pick up your bag to drop off your bag thing. My path through the airport ends at a sliding glass door that says that some 20 odd gates are outside. This makes no sense. The helpful union employee sitting in a chair by the door says you get on the bus. So I get on the bus. I thought nothing of that because I knew there was more than one terminal to the Toronto airport. What dismayed me was being taken out to the back end of NOWHERE to be dropped off at the shanty town of trailers that was the regional departure points for flights into, mostly, the US than Air Canada doesn't really care about. This might not be such a big deal EXCEPT that once you get out there, there is no services. There is ONE food stand and one news stand. And the price of a rather unappealing sandwich is NINE dollars!!!

This is more more of an observation than a comment but why is it that none of the border services people appear to be native born Canadians? I suppose its kind of ugly to notice. I passed through Canada Border Services (its not Customs anymore) a number of times in the past few days and there weren't any blonde haired/blue eyed people waving wands at me. Is there something about that particular wing of government service that doesn't appeal to average Canadians? Usually your ordinary citizen will step on his mother to work for the government.

And finally, leave it to the Saskatoon Airport to be the ONLY airport in my considerable travels where I had to wait for my checked luggage. Good job guys. Nice to see you really earning that union wage.

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